Monday, January 29, 2007

Some what back

I'm some what back. Thank you all so very much for your kind words, its meant alot in this difficult time. This last week and a half has been an emotional roller coaster. My moments of crying are starting to subside a bit. My siblings and I spent last Thursday and Friday cleaning out my dads house. Thurday night sitting in my living room with 1/4 of my parents belongings lying on the floor, thats when it started to hit me, he's gone, there both gone. We're all trying not to blame ourselves, because its not going to do us any good.

I didn't cry this much when my mom died 11 yrs ago, but she was sick and bed ridden for her last couple of months. We had time to get used to the fact that she was going. No one expected my dad to end his life. My brother- inlaw, the one who found my dad isn't doing well. We're all just kind of fucked up right now. I know this has made me stronger. I have contemplated the act myself from time to I've been on the other end of it and would never put anyone through this grief.

We're going to wait till summer to clean out the garage. Then once the house/land gets out of probate it will go up for sale. I spent every Tuesday with my dad, I'm going to be lost tomorrow. I've been distracting myself with cock, mostly Scooby's. Friday the hot redhead is going to pound a load down my throat. And I might be rendezvous'ing next week with a hot furry poz guy and having hot meaningless mansex in a cheap motel, so things are ok.

My Union sent a beautiful floral arrangement. I'm kind of dissapointed with my job. Yes my boss showed up to the memorial service and his boss sent me a card, but the people I clean for in my main building, the people I see everyday, didn't do anything, not even a card. One lady said she was sorry to hear the news the rest acted like nothing happened. My co-workers didn't do anything either. A card would have been enough. I've been here for 17 years, I feel like I deserve at least a card.

But then when my mom died and I was still working on campus the people in that building all signed a card for me. Then when I got back from berevement leave, one of the ladies asked if I had been on vacation......and she had signed the card.

Anyway, thank you all again for the kind thoughts and wishes. I will be ok, like that saying goes, "that what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger".

Update: I did end up recieving a card from my coworkers and one from one of the three dept. that I clean for.


Bigg said...

With a recent (and sudden) loss of my own, I know a little bit of how hard this must be for you. I am wishing you all the best, Mike.

thomas said...

i'm glad you are doing a little better. be good to yourself and take things easy. my thoughts are with you.

Will said...

Nice to have you back, Mike. I know what a caring man you are and you'll probably be dong it anyway, but call your brother-in-law every now and then if he's really a mess over this. As you said, you've got the strength now and he may well need it.

Hugs from Boston.

The Average Joe said...

I just read your post and I started to bawl uncontrollably. Im so sorry I didnt read it before, the only thing I can offer is that each passing tuesday is going to get easier. All my prayers and best wishes are with you.

Michael said...

Thanks guys, your kind words mean the world to me.