Monday, February 26, 2007

Reversing the downward spiral

For the last seven months our drinking at home has gotten bad, bordering on out of control. I don't blame our 25 yo. room mate "J", but I think that the three of us living together makes for a destructive combination. Coming home from a long day at work and finding them drunk several days out of the week was wearing on me. I've been having outbursts of anger and have finally realized that I need a stable home environment. And when my home environment is not stable.... neither am I.

Scooby and I have been discussing asking "J" to leave for the last month. Things finally came to a head Saturday morning when "J" and I had a door slamming contest in which I won. He then announced that he couldn't live here anymore and moved out that day. It feels as if a weight has been lifted off of me.

Sunday we had a nice quiet day. No techno blaring from upstairs, no constant stream of men coming and going, and we actually had a liquor free day. We're getting our old boring life back and it feels fucking great.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy "Hallmark" Day

Scooby and I have been together almost 10 yrs. so needless to say we don't celebrate Valentines Day, Christmas or even birthdays for that matter anymore. Yes we wish each other a Happy (whatever holiday ect.) , but we don't buy any gifts for each other. Scooby's birthday was a couple of weeks ago and I did take the day off at his request and we sat around and got shit faced drunk.

Actually I've been drinking too much lately. A few weeks ago I came home from work on a Friday night and Scooby was already passed out drunk on the couch. So I took off and went to a friend house and started drinking, then came home and continued drinking and got on the computer. Granted I was only drinking beer, that is until "J" out room mate came home with a bottle of whisky. We started doing shots and I ended up blacking out and passing out. Scooby found "J" and I at 7am Saturday morning curled up under a blanket in the middle of the kitchen floor.

The night of Scoobys birthday wasn't any diffferent. "J" found us passed out naked on the couch, me laying on my back and Scooby curled up like a cat laying on my chest. I've recently discovered that on occasion Scooby with ride my cock after I pass out or fall asleep. So I'm under the impression that "J" witnessed the aftermath of one of those sessions.

I sometimes threaten Scooby and "J" that I'm going to get help, but in all honesty drinking is the only fun thing in my life right now. It only happens a couple times a month on either Friday or Saturday so I don't feel its a problem yet.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Confused slut

This weekend I added two new guys to my yahoo IM. One, a local guy in his early twenties who lives near where I work. The very horny young man was looking to get serviced and considering the stuff going on with me right now, I'm finding the best distraction is to suck on a hard cock. We planned to hook up sometime this week.

The second guy is a reader of my blog from, if I remember right, New York.

Anyway....I got an IM from my blog reader guy and thought it was the local horny guy. I IM'd him back saying if he was up to it that I'd suck him off tonight..... Oops sorry.

I'm such a confused slut....

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Rant and other shit

Well I was suppose to have an interview at the local State University this morning, but I cancelled it. The main reason for changing jobs was because they had domestic partner benefits. Well no more thanks to Michigan Court of Appeals. I'm too old to start over and loose all my vacation ect. so I guess I'm here to stay unless we move out of the bigoted state of Michigan. I swear to God, that the AFA and the people who support it are nothing but modern day Nazi's, the only difference is they have a more subtle way of exterminating people.

I was hoping to go to the support group for Survivors of Suicide, but the meetings in the area conflict with my job. If the night group was in Midland instead of Saginaw I could go since they're near work. The one in Midland is at 11am, and I refuse to drive to Midland twice in one day, or hang out till I go to work. So I guess the monthly therapist meeting will have to do.

My dads material things are being divided up. He left his riding lawn mower to my sister and her husband, his car to my other sister, the other lawn equipment goes to my brother and I get his craftmatic bed...... the bed he shot himself on. Nice. But my sister just found out that the house insurance will pay to have the mattress replaced. I darkly joked, "He knew that the bed was going to me, why couldn't he have shot himself on the other twin bed in his bedroom." I told my siblings that I wanted the gun also, and they agreed. I wouldn't if it wasn't a family heirloom. But it was my mom's 22 rifle when she was young. So now I just have to wait for the police to release it, I guess it takes a month for that to happen. "J" our room mate said his father offered to teach me to clean it and that I can go shoot it out on their property. I also found an indoor shooting range right down the street.

So thats whats going on with me. I'm doing better. We are all doing better. It had been several days since I got weepy, but I went to the Survivors of Suicide online site and the memorial page made me have a relapse. But crying is a good thing, it helps.