Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Riding in cars with my father

So I get to my dad's this morning and he announces that he's taking me out for lunch today. YES! Oh and we also have to stop at two cemeteries. First one to place a grave blanket on his parents grave then the next to hang a wreath on my mothers. No problem. Oh and we have to stop at the store to pick up frozen bread dough. No problem again cuz I need to pick up cup inserts for my mini muffin pan.

We get half way to the first cemetery and my dad says, "Oh I forgot to put on my seat belt". So he buckles up as we continue on. Get to the first cemetery and attach and grave blanket to the ground next to my grandparents grave, collect the faded summer flowers. We get back in the car and this car is hauling ass through the cemetery and heading right for us. I get a little panicky, then the car swerves around us and stops. It was my cousin and her husband just checking to see if anything was put on the grave yet. We chat then head out for lunch. On the way he notices that one of his zip ties to attach mom's wreath has fell in between the seats. He starts fusing and I tell him not to worry about it, I'll get it when we get to the restaurant.

Get to the restaurant and he says, "I forgot to put on my seat belt again, you gotta make sure I do that." Note to self: Don't start car ever again until you make sure dad is belted in. Then he grabs the zip ties that didn't fall in between the seats and raises his hand up, nearly poking my eyes out with the zip ties in his hand. I find the ones that have fallen, and we go eat. After lunch we then head for the grocery store. Get the bread dough but they don't have the mini muffin cups. Do they even make them? Scooby insist's that they do, but I have my doubts.

Head to the last cemetery and hook up the wreath and then head back home. I'm reconsidering switching to marinol, or at least not taking it on days I visit my father. I really need to have my wits about me. I couldn't remember to tell him to fasten his seat belt and also couldn't remember what he needed at the store. We were like two little old men stumbling through life.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Never mix, never worry?

Friday morning I started drinking coffee and Irish creme. Then by around 3pm I switched to beer and bloody mary's. We sat around that evening drinking until we decided to head over to Thurston's and bug him for awhile. Once there we drank a bottle of wine and more beer with shots of whisky thrown in for good measure while Thurston played his records. By the end of the evening I kept falling out of my chair. Note: I was sitting in a desk type chair with wheels which I kept spinning around the room in, until I would fall over. I must have fallen several times cuz they quit picking me up and just left me on the floor. I was told the next day that as I laid on the floor that I was either disco dancing or trying to make snow angles, or a combo of both.

At least Thurston's got a clean floor now...

Sometime during all this falling down I smashed the hell out of my right index finger. Sliced it close along the nail and cuticle and the edge of my nail was all ripped and jagged like it had been knawed on. And I don't bit my nails... Didn't even realize it till I was bleeding all over the place.

Why is it I only had 4 beers the night before Thanksgiving and I had a headache the entire next day. But Friday I practically drink myself to death and Saturday I feel fine. I don't understand that.

Went to see the first showing of "Rent" today. Scooby and I and one other guy had the entire theatre to ourselves. Just the way I like it. The movie was fabulous! I got kinda weepy through out the movie.

Think I'm gonna stop the Zoloft by next week. Gonna start taking my Marinol on a regular basis instead. On it, I'm so much more "with it" and motivated to work, plus shit don't bother me. It gives me an "eh fuck it" kinda of attitude about the things that bother me that I have no control over. We'll see...

Friday, November 25, 2005

Pre Turkey Day stuffing and Holiday recap

Ok so Wednesday night at work I start to get a cold sore. Fuckin Great. Luckily I always carry L-Lysine with me so I start to overdose on that to kick Mr. Cold Sore in the ass and kill him before he becomes Mt. St. Helens. I get home and have a few beers and decide what the hell lets try to get cleaned up so Scooby can fuck my hungry ass. (note: getting "cleaned up" lately has been a real challenge, after the second bottle of water and the toys are still coming out with a chocolate dollop on the end it's just time to give up) Amazingly enough I got my kitty clean, Praise Jeebus. So needless to say Wednesday night I got my ass reemed but good. Have decided that doggie style is my best position since I can drink a beer, smoke a cigar, and hit on the poppers at will. We ended up fucking till about 2:30am, I considered calling in a fuck bud to join, but decided it was a little to late to be calling.

Scooby woke me up the next morning at 7fucking:30am wanting more of my ass, but I just couldn't do it. First of all 10 hrs of work and then only 5 hrs. of sleep = one cranky bitch. Second, he packed me with enough air the night before that I felt like Violet Beauregard as she was turning into the blueberry. I didn't dare fart in bed without blowing the bf's load from the night before all over the sheets. It was time to feed the cat so I got up did that and then tried to get rid of all the air in the lines.

Turned on the TV, only to hear the "Today" show predict a foot of snow for Michigan for the day. FUCK!

"So if there's no place to go...Let it snow, Let it snow, let it snow."

Well I do have someplace to go...SO STOP FUCKING SNOWING!
Still not feeling all that great I went back to bed and let Scooby at least fuck my ass crack till he filled it with his hot man goo. We then got up and started watching the Macy's Thankgiving Day Parade which always makes me a little nostalgic. The first thing I saw was a bunch of kids singing with a choreographed number and all. They were great until I listened to the words of their song. "I'm thankful for my cell phone", "I'm thankful for my computer password" blah blah blah.....WTF Welcome to the United States of Shallowness and Greed. Who ever wrote that song should be slapped right out of their Dolce & Gabbana's. The rest of the parade was cool though so I regress. Luckily the snow stopped and we were able to trek the 30 miles to my sisters place for dinner.

So now I sit drinking my Irish creme and coffee and am getting ready to veg infront of the TV. Anyway Happy Black Friday to all you shopaholics.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Hobble Hobble....Happy Turkey day!

We are getting our 3rd snowfall and it isn't even Thanksgiving yet. This is not a good sign. Me thinks we are gonna get slammed this winter. We've got at least a couple of inches so far and I didn't bring my boots to work and my left tennis shoe has a hole in the heal. SHIT! So for the rest of the evening I'll be hobbling around when outside trying not to get my left heal wet so I don't end up with a soaker.
God I love winter....

Tonight is my last night of work for the week. YEA! And I'm all set for the time off, got my 30 pack of Milwaukee's Best and a fifth of Carolan's Irish creme for my morning coffee. Carolan's IC is 1/2 the price of Bailey's and just as good, or at least my pickled liver can't tell the difference. Tomorrow we will head to my sisters for Thanksgiving dinner. But before that I plan on watching the Macy's parade, this is one of my favorite things to do. After dinner we plan on watching "Christmas with the Cranks". Then after eating pie we're heading home and I'm gonna get drunk. Wee ha!

Here's a list of things I'm thankful for:

1. Our health
2. Scooby
3. Family and friends
4. Our kitty Mr. Puddyson
5. Food on our table
6. A roof over our heads
7. My job
8. Hot handsome men
9. Guys who love to have their cock sucked.
10. My car

Hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

The wake up call

I haven't said much about this and have probably just been living in denial, but Scooby, the love of my life, hasn't been on meds for a year and 1/2. He has problems dealing with all the red tape that it takes when you don't have health insurance and "Family Independent Agency" keeps screwing up his application. He finally just said "fuck it I'm taking a break from meds, doctors, labs, sitting at FIA."

Life for me is overwhelming, being poz with a fulltime job, 3 house cleaning jobs, plus cleaning our house, laundry, cooking, yardwork, ect.. I'm exhausted and felt "My plate is full, and that I did enough in this relationship, I'm not gonna drag him to FIA also." I've been watching this disease for along time and know that people who don't take meds are basically here one day and gone the next. Like I said...denial.

Losing Angreeblkcub was a real wake up call for me. I'm now gonna nag Scooby until he gets his application filled out and if I have to I'll drag his ass down to FIA by his pubes. I've already expressed my concern with him, louder now than in the past, that I want to grow old with him, dammit. So as Cher said in Moonstruck "Snap out of it", with out the slap across the face, that is.

In other news....This weekend "K" and his new beau asked us to go to Bronners in Frankenmuth with them on Sunday. Bronners is one of, if not the biggest Christmas store. I was told one time that they actually supply Hollywood with all the Christmas crap for their movies, but that might of been someone just blowing smoke up my ass....I dunno. Anyway we went there and checked out all the stuff they have. Then went to a couple of specialty stores, one for cheese, the other for fudge. I bought myself a chocolate truffle at each, YUM! Did I mention that I love chocolate truffles.

After all the running around Scooby was getting hungry so I suggested we stop at "Tiffany's" which is this pub/restaurant in Frankenmuth with about a gazzion Tiffany light fixtures. We ordered some snacks and a pitcher of beer. They were having "Industry night" for all the local workers in uniform....$4 pitchers of beer. That got our conversation going on how expensive it is to go to gay bars and why don't they have an Industry night. Pitchers at the little gay pub we go to are 6.50 and they never have specials. On the other hand all the straight bars down the street from my place are always having Draft Pitcher specials for $4 bucks. We drink our pitcher and eat our snacks (note: I say snacks cuz I can't spell Hors'Durvs...see) anyway we get the check and the pitcher of beer was 7.00. I immediately start laughing my ass off cuz its more expensive than the "Berg" after we just got done bitching about how expensive gay bars are and "Tiffany's" is a straight establishment, granted a straight yuppy establishment.

Anyway we had a good time and I'm glad they invited us to tag along. It was just the pick me up that I needed since I had just found out about Angreeblkcub that morning. Wake up call #2 is that life is too short and I gotta stop focusing on shit in my past and everything else that I have no control over. I'm gonna move on and have some fun....

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Farewell my friend

Pardon me while I fight back the tears for this post. I just got devastating news from Drink More that Angreeblkcub from No, Dirty Kitty...No!! passed away. He was just finishing up school and getting ready to start his life. I'm both sad and angry that his life was cut so short. He was a great person who had everything going for him.

Even though I've only known you online for little over a year, you left a lasting impression on me that I will cherish for the rest of my life. Take care and I'll see ya on the flipside.

We will miss you deeply Gerald.


I wish I could express myself better. I just went to "into the frey" and Michael did a beautiful post for Gerald, and said all the things that I'm at a loss for.

Thursday, November 17, 2005


Well it had to happen eventually. It started to snow yesterday. Just light flurries, but snow just the same. By the time I came home from work it had stopped, leaving only a light dusting on a few plants and piles of leaves. This morning I got up and the light dusting had multiplied to every square inch of ground. I dread being cooped up in the house for the next 5 months. Maybe the first good snow fall we'll get drunk and go sledding on the bridge approach behind the house. It could happen...

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

All in a day

This morning I got up at 8:30am.
Fed Mr. Puddyson our 19 lb. cat.
Raked 4 bags of leaves.
Ran down to the park and fed the ducks.
Went to Walgreens to pick up tomato sauce for my father that was on sale, but were out off. no surprise...
Ran over to Rite Aid and picked up 4 boxes of Smart Start cereal (my favorite) for myself since it was onsale 2 for 5 bucks. YEA!
Cursed at a few rich people driving their Hummer's on the way home.
Gathered up the trash and put it out in the dumpster.
Cleaned the litter box.
Watched "Ellen" at 10am.
Called a friend at 11am.
Spray painted more gourds.
Cut my hair and trimmed my beard.
Took a shower.
Went to visit above friend.
Hung out and drank coffee and watched a recent "Will and Grace" and ate wonderful homemade soup.
Came home got online to check email.
Watched a bit of porn and had a wank.
Then headed out to work at 3:30pm.

Boring as it may be that was my day, at least I got a buttload of shit accomplished.

How was yours?

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Crafty Crafterson

birdhouse gourd snowmen Posted by Picasa

These are a few of the gourds I grew at my dads house a few years ago. Normally I just sand them, polyeurathane em, throw a perch on and wha la...a birdhouse. I'm been selling them throughout summer in the Art Gallery I clean for. The Gallery director asked me to do something with a holiday theme, so wha la...snowmen birdhouses. You can't really see it but the top button on them is actually the hole where the bird can get in. You also can't see that they're covered in white glitter.

Monday, November 14, 2005

How to drive in Michigan 101

First of all, yes I am from Michigan but when I was a teenager and taking drivers training I lived in Tucson, AZ and took it there. Thank God, cuz this is how I can only imagine drivers training goes in Michigan.

Highway driving 101

1. Don't EVER use your cruise control. You must speed up and slow down constantly.
2. Always speed around other cars, then once your infront of them slow down so they have to pass you. This keeps the driving experience lively and interesting.
3. Stay in the left lane if you drive slower than the speed limit. In all other states this lane is called "The passing lane" and its used for faster traffic. In Michigan it's just the opposite and it's called "The Idiot lane".
4. Always try and cause other people to get into accidents.
5. Drive as fast as you want. Speed limits are for the lame. And besides there's no cops around to give you a ticket. Drive 100 mph if you want.
6. Never look before you change lanes. If you run someone off the road, that's their problem.
7. If there is a semi in front of you and there are a lot of faster traffic coming up on you. Pass the semi and while your passing slow down in order to make everyone else slow down also. The bigger traffic backups you create the better.
8. Stay in the idiot lane (Left lane) until your exit then cut everyone off making them slam on their brakes.
9. If carrying stuff in the back of your pickup, DON'T tie it down, just let the shit fall out. This makes the people behind you better drivers as their swerving to miss your road trash.
10. Do not pay attention to your driving. Driving is for multi-tasking, so go ahead and talk on your cell phone, read the newspaper or catch up on that novel you've been reading.

City driving 101

1. Ignore "One Way" signs on streets. They're for people who have a lot of time on there hands.
2. See #4 above.
3. See #5 above.
4. See #6 above.
5. Its ok to drive in the middle turn lane as long as your going to be turning eventually.
6. Its also ok to use the middle turn lane to merge into heavy traffic. Just continue to drive in the turn lane until you can squeeze into the regular lane, fuck the people who actually want to use this lane to turn off of the road.
7. If you wear makeup, you must put it on while you drive. Make sure to be using your cell phone at the same time and tailgate the person infront of you. See # 10 above.
8. On Sesame Street they teach you that a yellow light means wait. FUCK THAT!
9. If you stop for a red light, your just a big fuckin sissy.
10. Its ok for at least 5-10 cars to turn after your turn arrow light has expired.

Thanks to all the crappy drivers for making this blog entry possible. If you do the majority of these things, you should be shot....

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Why I don't garden in the front yard on a weekday

Just to get you up to speed, I live on a busy corner with a stop light. Several years ago I was out in the front yard on my hands and knees pulling weeds out of one of my planting beds with my back facing the road. I was wearing an old t-shirt that had shrunk and didn't overlap my shorts.

A school bus full of elementary school kids pulls up and stops at the light in front of the house. Its a warm day and they have all the windows down on the bus. All of a sudden I hear one of the kids loudly say in a sing song type way,

"I can see your butt crack".

I turn around just as the entire bus load of kids start hilariously laughing and pointing at me. I wave and luckily the light turns green and the bus takes off.

And that is why I no longer garden in the front yard on a weekday.

Weekend pics

 Posted by Picasa

Here's a couple of pics of a windmill on our friends farm.

 Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, November 09, 2005


Saturday we went to Mt. Pleasant to visit a friend. On the way we stopped at a Army surplus store to check shit out. Scooby made the mistake of mentioning New Orleans and the guy running the place of course had his opinion. It went like this:

Guy: Those people are stupid for living down there. It's under sea level, they should just scrap that town.
Me: (Sarcastically) While their at it they might as well make everyone leave Florida and California also. With all the Hurricanes, mudslides and earthquakes its all a wasteland. And its only gonna get worse....
Guy: Global warming?
Me: Yeah, they keep chopping down all the rain forest, and we're gonna pay for it in the long run.

That shut him up... Even though I was kinda pissed I did buy a camo t-shirt since it was only 10 bucks.

We had a great dinner at our friends place. He lives out in the country on his grandparents farm. I took pics of his windmill. It was cloudy though, so they didn't turn out to great. After dinner and a couple of hours of "What's Happening" marathon, Scooby was falling asleep so we headed out....into the worst torrential rain storm I've ever driven in. It got so bad that I really should have pulled over, but I couldn't find the side of the road and was worried that we would be rear ended if we stopped. So I continued on and the rain got worse and worse, but we did eventually make it home.

Other than that life's been a complete bore. Got the house pretty much ready for winter. I need to go out and rake up some leaves, fun fun. We went out and picked up 12 more sheets of drywall, more fun fun. Hopefully that will be enough to finish the attic, around the front door and the last wall of our bedroom.

Been working on my bird house gourds to get some ready to sell at the Gallery. They want them to have some kind of Holiday motif so I'm gonna paint them up like snowmen. Don't know as of yet how there going to turn out. I've been having to run all over the Tri-Cities to craft stores for supplies. It's been kind of a pain in the ass, so they better fuckin sell.

Friday, November 04, 2005


Tuesday was our friend "K"s birthday. We had all planned on going out to the Berg for drinks after I got out of work at midnight. By 10pm I started doing project work and lost track of time and before I knew it my pager started going off...it was Scooby wondering where I was at...it was 12:30. Yikes! So I fly home and Scooby and "K" are sitting there and I say "come on its 1am if we're going to go out we gotta go".

Then I'm informed that we have to go pick up Thurston, so we fly across town pick up Thurston. Then Scooby forgot his wallet, so we go back home pick up his wallet, then fly into Saginaw and finally get to the Berg around 1:45am...whew. We drink to our hearts content celebrating "K"s birthday and head out at 2:30am only to find my car reeking of gasoline.

OH shit I forgot I had a can of gas in the trunk of my car. I open the trunk and there is the can of gas laying there upside down. Luckily I had a plastic tarp in the back also which helped keep the gas from totally soaking in everywhere. We toss the tarp and the cardboard boxes that I was going to recycle and head home. The inside of the car totally reeking of gas, Scooby rolled down his window and stuck his head out for air. All the while "K" and I are commenting on how the gas smell is turning us on. I don't know what it is but I love the smell of a garage and gasoline.

On our trip home we joke about how much gas fumes it would take to become aphixiated except that I mispronounce it as afisticated. We all laugh and decide that it should be a new word if it isn't already.

afisticated: One who's been fisted so much, that they can no longer hold their mud.

I'm so fucking sick...

Not that I would know about those things personally, I have yet to perform as a puppet....

Note: Giving credit where it is due, I got the "hold their mud" reference from Chad Fox at "Stop touching my food". I actually read it first on Daigle's blog "Salty Sea Stories", who was quoting Chad.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Party details, the new neighbor and Devils night

I think I mentioned that our Halloween party went well. Everyone, ok most everyone had a great time. From what I can remember, no one flirted with me this time, dam but oh well. We we're planning on having "Rocky Horror Picture Show" playing on the TV's all night, but the DVD I ordered hadn't yet arrived, and our vhs tape crapped out early in the evening. We were also going to put various party music together but for some reason after burning the compilation, the songs would skip. Luckily one of our friends brought some great music CD's.

We didn't realize when we invited Murphy that he was the one that infected our other friend "David" with HIV 4-5 yrs ago, when David was only 17. No wonder Murphy has such bad luck and most deserving also. Karma will bite you in the ass everytime! When I found this out, it made me sick. I can't believe he'd do such a despicable thing. Needless to say we haven't seen him since, now that he knows that we're friends with David.

We had an unexpected guest, our new neighbor. He's big and solid like a football player and gay! YES! For the following week I fantasized about how I could run over to his house and be rode by this big ole man. Only to find out later, that it was his grandparents that bought the house, not him, and that he's only 18. His three siblings and 2 cousins also live there. 3 adults and 5 kids...oy vie. He dropped by last Saturday and we took him to another Halloween party that night. He then stopped by Sunday evening, and twice on Monday. When he left Monday he said, see ya tomorrow, and we told him we had to work, so he said, "See ya Wednesday then." Um, ok we like having friends over, but not everyday. Help! Does anyone have any suggestions. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I also don't want company everyday. My sanity is at risk...

Devils night

Sunday we made plans with this horse hung guy that lives up north. Luckily our company left with out having to be asked and a half hour later our date showed up. Needless to say we spent Devils night being very naughty. He took turns pounding the hell out of Scooby and I's asses, leaving us stretched, sore and very happy...