Friday, September 24, 2004

The Adventures of Pukey Peggy

Scooby and I love everything about New Orleans. From it historic architecture, great food, live jazz music to the friendly and colorful locals... we just love being down there. Not to mention that however shitfaced drunk you get, there is always someone drunker than yourself. We started spending our Christmas/New Years holidays down there almost 4 years ago. It was our second Christmas down there when we met Pukey Peggy.

We had just arrived that day and after getting settled in to our little whole in the wall HO-tel we ventured out to our favorite bar VooDoo at Congo Square on Rampart. It was early evening and we were sitting about halfway down the bar having a few drinks when this woman came in and flopped her big purse down on the end of the bar and ordered a drink. Her name was Peggy and she looked like a very seasoned drinker with dark rings around her eyes and her hair was dark brown and cut short about 4 or 5 inches long at the top and tapered down to her neck. Peggy wore a large baggy turtle neck type top that hung in huge wrinkled cuff type rings almost down to her saggy boobs. Before we knew it Peggy was sitting Indian style on top of the bar and when one of her many favorite songs came on she would raise her arms and shake her fists to the music. When she wasn't shaking her fists to the music she would be pulling her hair so it all stood straight out from her head. It was Scooby that saw what happened next, while Peggy was shaking her fists and waving her arms to the music she ever so slightly vomited into the huge cuffs of her sweater. Not thinking that anyone saw her she lightly wiped her mouth oblivious to the deposit that she left behind in the vast material around her neck and went back to waving her arms and shaking her fists. This was the first impression...

The next night but much later we were at our perch again at the VooDoo and in come one of the bartenders and another guy holding Peggy up inbetween them. This night she was totally shitfaced drunk to the point her eyes were rolling into the back of her head, her mouth was hanging open and she couldn't even walk, hence the two guys practically carrying her. They took her right to the back of the bar and I guess deposited her in the girls bathroom.

Then a few days later we were walking down Ursulines and walked past this one residence that had their shutters opened up and were having a Christmas party and there was Pukey Peggy, (much more sober and conservative looking) sitting on the couch having a cocktail and enjoying the festivities.

A day or two later we were sitting once again at the VooDoo and the bartender that had helped carry Peggy in a few days earlier was working when drunk Pukey Peggy came trudging into the bar and went over to the mens bathroom door and almost violently pushed the door open and started to go in but the queens inside screamed with terror. After the queens screamed the bartender looked over and screamed, "Peggy! Don't you go into the mens bathroom and piss on the floor." Then Peggy in her rough scratchy voice screamed back, "I don't piss on the floor". The bartender then said, "YES YOU DO! and its disgusting, go to the back and use the bathroom with the toilet." Note: the bathroom she was busting into only had a large trough like urinal.

Then towards the end of our trip we bumped into Pukey Peggy once again at the VooDoo, this time she sat next to us and and was the soberest we had seen her all week. She introduced herself and Scooby made the comment that we had met her early that week when she was twisted, in which Pukey Peggy stated, "I don't get twisted", and Scooby came back with, "Well that must of been your twin sister "Pretzel". About that time our favorite bartender Jim came up to the three of us with a mind eraser and four straws, we all grabbed a straw and sucked it down and we were all well on our way to not being twisted.

Last year when we went down we asked where Pukey Peggy was and was told that she was now in Florida.

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