Postcard from the Past

Little Theatre Courtyard 

Here's a old postcard that Sugar Daddy gave me for Christmas.
The back reads:

Unusually attractive courtyard of Le Petit Theatre du Vieux Carre, more popularly known as the "Little Theatre". It is located at 616 St. Peter Street and boasts a membership of some 2000 subscribers.

New Orleans- America's Most Interesting City

Don't think I'll be doing much more blogging till I get back from vacation on Jan. 7th. So hope everyone has a Happy Holiday! With all the hoopla there is lately about which holiday greeting should be used (stupid crazy christians). Scooby and I thought why not combine them so Happy Chriswanzakkah! Actually that sounds too much like swastika so maybe not...

OMG! I just saw the trailer for "Running with Scissors", Augusten Burroughs memoir of his crazy life growing up. Joseph Fiennes is playing his adult pedaphile boyfiend. And I think Annette Bening is playing his crazy lesbian mother. OMG! I can't wait to see the movie. Unfortunatly its not coming out till fall of 06.

WTF!! That's an awful long time to tease someone...

Here's a link to one of our favorite New Orleans stories, "The Adventures of Pukey Peggy". enjoy!

High

I'm so fucking high! Not drug or alcohol induced high, but a natural "last day of work" high. YEA! No more vacuuming and mopping up salt for the next 18 fucking days! I do have a 2 hour house cleaning job tomorrow but that's nuttin. This has got to be the longest time I've had off of work since I was 16....I think. God if I felt this good all the time, I could rule the world.

When I was really little we use to spend Christmas eve at my grandma's (mother's side) and Christmas day at my other grandma's (father's side). By the time I was in third grade my mom's mom had died and my dad had retired. Mom hated the winter's as much as I have come to, so we started snow birding out to Tucson. We'd stay in Michigan until Christmas then the day after we'd tear down the tree load up the trailer and hit the road...

Now. I have a job that gives me the week between Christmas and New Years off with pay and Scooby and I have been going to New Orleans for the last 4-5 yrs for a week over the Christmas Holiday. Funny how life repeats itself. I'm really trying to resist the urge to tear down the tree before we leave on vacation. I keep telling myself, we're going to be back in a week, I don't have to tear down the tree. It's not like when I was a kid and we we're gone till school got out for the summer.

I'm going to try and leave it up.

In other news....I sold one of my snowmen birdhouses today. Personally I thought that the Gallery was asking too much for them and didn't expect them to sell. Asking price...$42 bucks...ouch! I get $25 of that so I'm happy. Funny thing is it was bought by the person who used to run the Gallery...and I though she didn't really like me.

I can't believe how much I'm blogging. I used to post only twice a week. Now sometimes it's twice a day. Don't get used to it though cuz once I'm back from vacation and get done telling all the sorted tales of the event I'll probably fall into the winter blah's.

Gonna do a little bit of work on the house before we leave next week. Gonna try and at least crawl under the house and insulate the floors....and run some more water lines for the future second bathroom. Fun Fun

My favorite Christmas song

This has got to be the most annoying Christmas song ever and I love it...

Nuttin' For Christmas
S. Tepper, R. Bennett, 1955

I broke my bat on Johnny's head;
Somebody snitched on me.
I hid a frog in sister's bed;
Somebody snitched on me.
I spilled some ink on Mommy's rug;
I made Tommy eat a bug;
Bought some gum with a penny slug;
Somebody snitched on me.

Oh, I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas
Mommy and Daddy are mad.
I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas
'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad.

I put a tack on teacher's chair
somebody snitched on me.
I tied a knot in Susie's hair
somebody snitched on me.
I did a dance on Mommy's plants
climbed a tree and tore my pants
Filled the sugar bowl with ants
somebody snitched on me.

So, I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas
Mommy and Daddy are mad.
I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas
'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad.

I won't be seeing Santa Claus;
Somebody snitched on me.
He won't come visit me because
Somebody snitched on me.
Next year I'll be going straight;
Next year I'll be good, just wait
I'd start now, but it's too late;
Somebody snitched on me.

So you better be good whatever you do
'Cause if you're bad, I'm warning you,
You'll get nuttin' for Christmas.

Weekend recap

We went out to the "Berg" on Friday night and tried to drink the world. The place was packed with Holiday revelers. Stayed till close, went to an after bar party, drank more, then went home and had another drink. Partied till 8am...Oy vie. Slept till 3pm Saturday. After leaving the after bar party things got fuzzy....I think we had a three way, but I'm not sure.

One thing is for sure....No more after bar parties!


Christmas baked goods 

Sunday was spent baking for all our close friends for Christmas gifts.

Total baked:
6 loaves of bread
6 dozen Pecan Praline mini muffins
2 Apple crumb pies

And now I'm done for the season.

Good news and the Peppermint spray from Hell

First of all got some good news this week. We're going to be able to stay at our timeshare down in New Orleans. Not our 1 bedroom unit but the main floor effeciency, which is fine by us. Everyone thinks were crazy for going down there, but we don't care, it will feel good to help out their economy by spending money. Plus we'd rather spend the Holidays in a moldy city than up to our ass's in this fucking snow.

My God, we got so much fucking snow yesterday. I shoveled and snow blowed twice and by the time I got done I was too fucking tired to go to work. I got a letter from RCI (the timeshare trading co.) and their giving us a bonus week because of all the trouble with the hurricanes and all. So I think we're going to try and use it in NYC this coming year and stay at The Manhattan Club if they have an opening....sounds fancy.

One thing you all don't know about me is that I'm a garbage picker. I prefer recycler but what ever. It's now illegal at work to garbage pick but before it was I found a small bottle of peppermint spray for the bath. The directions on it read, "Spray into the steam of your shower". Well at the time I found it I sprayed it and WOW! was the shit potent. One little wiff and my sinus's opened up like they never have before. Well I took it home and Scooby and I used it as directed. What it didn't say was don't get it on your skin cuz it burns like a muther fucker.

I got it on me and it immediately disovled the soap bubbles on my arm. For hours after my arm felt all warm and tingely. We learned quickly that one spray was all you needed and preferably spray it over the shower curtain so it just got into the steam in the bathroom not in the shower.

What we failed to do was warn guest's.....

Our friend "K" hangs out with us and often crashes on our couch. Well he took a shower one morning and I was in the kitchen making coffee ect. and I started to smell the peppermint spray, but by that time it was too late. I figured, well he's not screaming so I guess he's ok. After his shower he came out and said WOW what the Hell is up with that spray. I apoligized then for not warning him...it completely slipped my mind. He then admitted that he sprayed it like 5 times in a row and then cowered in the bottom of the shower until it was gone. OUCH! He said that he learned a lesson and will never again use other people's bath products.

Today I took a shower and sprayed the stuff over the curtain like we have learned to do. Then after my shower I threw the towel that was on the floor over the tub and sat on it while I trimmed my nails. All of a sudden my ass was on fire. I thinking what the fuck, what the fuck, why is my ass on fire. Then it came to me that I sprayed the peppermint spray over the shower curtain and it directly fell onto the towel which I then sat on. I'll be God dammed... I tried to wash it off with a wet wash cloth...nadda. I then danced around the kitchen not knowing what to do as my ass tingled and burned. Scooby then recommened that I try some baby powder, cuz it's absorbent. Thank god it worked cuz it felt like it was burning me a new asshole....

Half nekkid Thursday

I recently ran across RJ's blog What the... and he had half naked Thursday. So I thought I'd participate. Here's a pic of me taken today. Not as hot as the ones below that were taken 10 yrs ago I'm afraid.

Time has a way of doing things like that...

Me about 10 yrs. ago

 

 

Pics taken by my friend and photographer William Urbanowitz of NYC.

All I want for Christmas is a new douche bag...

Did I miss something....did douche bags become illegal in this country with out me knowing?

I've been looking all over the place for a new hot water bottle with the douche/enema attachments and can't find one anywhere. Went to a couple of Walgreens, a Rite Aid, and Kmart. Kmart came the closest with a hot water bottle but no attachments.

WTF!!!

Is it against the law to douche anymore or what? Obviously several people must of shoved too much water up their holes and sued or something.... But why should the rest of us go with out, just put a warning label on the son of a bitch like everything else for fucks sake.

Or maybe...just maybe its the "IT" Christmas present of 2005 and everyone is just sold out.

Is there a black market for douche bottles?....The search is on .

Translation Tuesday

Right Wing Conservative: Just fancy words that actually mean "NAZI".

Oy what a weekend

Saturday was my family Christmas gathering, which went well. Started at 11am and we were done and everyone was on their way home by 4pm. We don't mess around... During the party my sister said, "Hey Mike why don't you tell everyone what's going on with your timeshare." Fuck why don't ya just stab me now. I don't know why it is, but my family really gets a kick when another one is down. I really didn't want to discuss it since everyone thought I was stupid to buy it in the first place. I ended up saying that it looks like we are going to be able to stay there, which is possibly true, we just haven't heard back yet. Today I recieved a letter from the timeshare organization that our timeshare belongs to and they're giving me a bonus week for $199., wish I'd of known that Saturday.

Got home and Sugar Daddy arrived by about 6pm bringing gifts. This year we got T-shirts, mine has a squirrel on the front and says "I'd like to hide my nuts...in your mouth." Which is funny but totally not me, I don't like having my nuts sucked on, they're very sensative, thank you very much. Scooby's shirt says, "The only job I want is a blow job" which suits him perfectly.

By the time SD showed up I had already had most of a 40 oz. beer and he brought us a bottle of Jim Beam for Scooby and a bottle of Skyy vodka for me. Note: I should never make drinks after I've started drinking, cuz I end up making them too strong. Needless to say I made myself a couple of vodka cocktails and a within a few hours I was laying on the bathroom floor barfing my guts out. Poor SD didn't even get a blow job. Oops... If I'd of had dinner I probably wouldn't of got so shitfaced...

I haven't said anything but since my Dr. recommened that I lower my cholesteral through diet, I've lost around 20 lbs. and I wasn't over weight to begin with. I took a couple of pics of myself a week ago and thought god I'm thin.. too thin. As I was laying there in my underwear on the bathroom floor getting sick and feeling like shit, and looking all frail and skinny it scared me. I don't feel invincable anymore.

Sunday we had a hotdog party. I bought a hotdog steamer on ebay for $25 bucks a few weeks ago so we invited our friends over for hotdogs and nachos. Needless to say, I only had two drinks that day, 1 large glass of beer and then 1 vodka and tomato juice. We had a great time and everyone loved the steamer. Can't wait till we can use it for our 4th of July party.

My gayest Christmas Decoration

 

Minerva dressed in her Christmas attire.

This is my gayest Christmas decoration. What's yours?

Thoreau

"However mean your life is, meet it and live it; do not shun it and call it hard names. It is not so bad as you are. It looks poorest when you are richest. The fault-finder will find faults even in paradise. Love your life, poor as it is. You may perhaps have some pleasant, thrilling, glorious hours, even in a poorhouse."
Henry David Thoreau

I ran across this quote today. I had cut it out some time ago and saved it. It always gives me a good perspective on life.

How fucking FEMA ruined my vacation

For the last 4 yrs. Scooby and I have spent Christmas/New Years down in New Orleans. For three of those years we stayed at this little rundown hole in the wall hotel cuz it was the what we could afford. The beds were old with springs that might jab ya and several of the people that stayed there were kinda scary, but for 650. a week we at least had a place to crash. Upon check in they would give you the list of rules.

1. You must be clothed outside of your room.
2. It was 10 bucks per person if you had visitors.
3. Leave the key to your room at the front desk when you go out.
4. No smoking in the hallways, but once your in your room you can smoke like a broken toaster.

Last year I finally bought a timeshare down there. For a few grand we got a one bedroom apartment with full kitchen, off street gated parking in a grand old Mansion. Yearly maintenance fee for our week is 300.. Thats a big Fuck Yes! We stayed for the first time last year and it was fabulous, we actually had a fucking living room to hang out in and a place to store and cook food.

Well we call down there after the hurricanes and the elderly couple that run it are still in Atlanta but they tell us that we can still stay but we might not have phone and cable, no problem. We just want to go down and show our support of the city. We call back and are told that...well there is some ceiling damage to some of the apartments. Ok, its three floors and ours is on the second floor it shouldn't be too bad. Now were told that FEMA is staying there and we probably won't be able to stay this year. So we check into trading timeshares, cuz that's what timeshares is all about and find out that ours is considered closed and because of that its unlikely we can trade.

WTF!!! So I have over two weeks off over the Christmas holiday and no fucking place to go. I watched "Ellen" the other day when Harry Connick Jr. was on and he said that NOLA really needs the tourism to keep it afloat. Why the fuck is FEMA staying at our timeshare when the town is filled with grand hotels they can stay at. We look forward to this vacation all fucking year and we were really looking forward to going down and helping out the economy by spending fucking money.

Well FUCK YOU FEMA! Haven't you done enough damage you stupid muther fuckers...

Praline Mini Muffins

Praline Mini Muffins 

1 cup packed brown sugar
1 cup chopped pecans
1/2 cup flour
3/4 cup melted butter
2 eggs beaten

Mix all of the ingredients together in a bowl. Spoon into miniature muffin pan. Bake for 20 minutes at 350 degrees. makes 24

OMG! These muffins are the fucking greatest!

Paranoia self distroya

Some major shit is going on with the computers at work. The first two I tried to use didn't have any icons in order to get online. Now I can't view my blog page. All I get is "The page cannot be displayed". So much for catching up on everyone's blog. SHIT! I don't know if its just the computers fucking up or maybe they did something to them to keep me from using them.

I've been becoming kind of a site meter whore. My hits are going up but most visitors are on for about 0 seconds. One reader is on alot, then I discovered that it was coming from a computer at work but at a location in another part of the state. We do have locations all around the country plus people can have work hook up at home, but it's making me a little uneasy. Maybe I'm paranoid.

So if anyone at work is listening: I get my work done, in fact I do a dam good job. Because of my medications I have chronic fatigue and I have to take alot of breaks in order to function. I spend these breaks online writing in my journal/blog and reading others blogs/ MSN news ect.. If I couldn't take my breaks online, I'd just be sitting in a chair staring at the walls.

So if I'm not paranoid and this is becoming a problem then please let me know.

Anyway if I'm not commenting on peoples blogs much, its because I don't have access. I don't have alot of time at home to be online cuz, well I work fifty million jobs just to make ends meet. Lets hope I'm just being paranoid....

The smart shopper

Got up this morning at dawn's crack to head into Saginaw. First stop was to get my bloodwork done since I have a Doctors appt. in a couple of weeks. Had a handsome furry bearded guy take my blood. Normally its all women so this was a very pleasant change. Then I got to my house cleaning job on schedule at 8:45am. Cleaned and then headed to Old Navy cuz I wanted to check out the coats that I'd seen online for $39..

I was looking for a new winter coat for work cuz I've been wearing the one that I have now for.....um.....22 years. Yes folks 22 yrs. my parents bought it for me when we first moved back to Michigan right before I started 11th grade. Now how sad is that. But it was a good warm coat that covered my ass. I absolutely hate coats that you can't raise your arms in without getting a freezing cold blast of air on your back.

Anyway, got to Old Navy and found the winter coats. Reversible, machine washable, and black, with at least four pockets, that's just what I need I'll take it. While I was there I decided to browse around and found the 75% off rack. YEE HAA! Ended up buying three T-shirts, one long sleeve shirt, a pair of shorts and the winter coat all for $50 bucks! FUCK YES! As Emeril would say BAM!

I normally hate to shop, but its days like today that make me one happy shopper...