Saturday, May 07, 2005

The dogshit lady

For about 10 of the 14 yrs I've lived at my house I've had an ongoing feud with a neighbor I like to call the dogshit lady. I live on one corner of our block and she lives within the same block just the opposite corner of the block from me. Actually my house isn't directly on the corner, it sits two feet from the city owned empty lot which sits on the corner. It started out with me finding dogshit along the side of my house, in the front yard ect.. At first I just thought that it was some dog that was loose, out running the neighborhood.

But then started the early morning yap, yap, yap right outside my bedroom window. Once I'm awake, I'm awake for the day, so I started getting up and peeking through the window to see what kinda dog was making all the racket. That's when I first laid eyes on the the dogshit lady, tall, thin, with bleach orangeish blonde hair, and a leathery too tan face. She was happily walking along with her unleashed shelty dog frantically darting around and yapping all the way. I immediately ran into the living room in the front of the house to spy on her more, and of course her dog jumped into my yard and shit. She of course kept on walking well aware of her dog doing his business in my front yard.

I thought to myself WTF, I don't even let my dog shit in the front yard. Being the anal person that I can occasionally be, when taking my dog for a walk I always bring a plastic grocery bag to clean up my dogs shit. I thought to myself, this fuckin bitch is being really inconsiderate to the rest of the neighborhood. Who the fuck does she think she is? I let it slide this time, cuz I figured maybe it was just a one time thing. WRONG After a few more dogshit episodes I went out on the front porch and asked her, "Would you please keep your dog outta my yard", and she replied with a really snotty, "Yeah". Well that did it, I'd had enough so I went back inside and called animal control and reported her. I knew where she lived cuz I had passed her house while walking my dog back from the park and noticed the shelty tied out in front of her house yapping at us.

I gave animal control her address and they immediately said, "Oh, the one with the shelty" and I confirmed, "yes that's the one". Considering they new exactly who I was talking about I figured that mine was not the first complaint. The thing that really irked me was that practically right out her front door is a city park. Right before the city park it a railroad track that the city always keeps mowed. She could take her dog out there to take a shit, hell its not any farther then walking around the block. I just didn't understand why she would choose to let her dog shit on all her neighbors yards instead of down by the railroad track or in the park. Irresponsible pet owners really chap my ass.

The call to animal control stopped her for a week but then she was right back at it. I thought of taking my black lab over to shit in her front yard, but I didn't know what her husband was like and didn't want to get my ass kicked. I would always collect my dogs shit outta my back yard and deposit it in plastic grocery sacks and I thought of taking a late night bike ride around the block and dump a weeks worth of dog crap on her sidewalk as I peddled by. I also thought of picking up her dog crap and mailing it to her or better yet going right out and throwing it at her or following her home and throwing the crap on her front porch saying, "You forgot something". I also thought about getting a baby diaper and filling it with chocolate pudding and leaving it in the city lot so she thought her dog was eating baby shit. That might make her keep her dog on a leash.

Instead I quit bagging my dogs crap and just started throwing it over the fence onto the city lot right where she walked. The next time I heard the yap, yap, yap I listened closely to see what would happen. As soon as the shelty came across all of my dogs shit in the city lot, it stopped yapping and got really quiet, then I heard her swear as she stepped in a pile. HE HE HE BITCH how do ya like it. This of course didn't stop her, she just walked farther outta range from my dogs shit. I then started keeping a lawn sprinkler out in the front yard and as soon as I heard her dog coming I'd turn it on full blast so she'd either have to walk through it and get soaked or turn around or cross the street.

I eventually bought half of the city lot and fenced it off, now I at least don't have her dog yapping right outside my bedroom window. Between me and the other pissed off neighbors I think she finally got fined for having alot of complaints. I haven't seen her in quite awhile, but I have seen her daughter out walking the dog on a leash and even picking up the dogs crap. So maybe you can teach and old dog new tricks.


Drub said...

I'm having a similar problem with my front yard. I catch that fucking yuppy scumbag and his retarded poodle or whomever left the man-sized pile of shit for me to mow over, I swear, I'll dropkick the owner and the dog into the afterlife.

Homer said...

Mouse,you always make me laugh.

glenn said...

No sense having rage, or wasting your time turning on the sprinkler. This is the 21st century, after all. Here's your solution:

Michael said...

Thanks for the link Glenn. It's actually been along time since I had to turn the sprinkler on her. I also wouldn't what to spray everyone that walked past my house. Although it might be kinda funny to watch.