Reversing the downward spiral

For the last seven months our drinking at home has gotten bad, bordering on out of control. I don't blame our 25 yo. room mate "J", but I think that the three of us living together makes for a destructive combination. Coming home from a long day at work and finding them drunk several days out of the week was wearing on me. I've been having outbursts of anger and have finally realized that I need a stable home environment. And when my home environment is not stable.... neither am I.

Scooby and I have been discussing asking "J" to leave for the last month. Things finally came to a head Saturday morning when "J" and I had a door slamming contest in which I won. He then announced that he couldn't live here anymore and moved out that day. It feels as if a weight has been lifted off of me.

Sunday we had a nice quiet day. No techno blaring from upstairs, no constant stream of men coming and going, and we actually had a liquor free day. We're getting our old boring life back and it feels fucking great.

Gay Puppet on Poppers

OMG! This is hilarious!


Happy Fat Tuesday everyone!

Happy "Hallmark" Day

Scooby and I have been together almost 10 yrs. so needless to say we don't celebrate Valentines Day, Christmas or even birthdays for that matter anymore. Yes we wish each other a Happy (whatever holiday ect.) , but we don't buy any gifts for each other. Scooby's birthday was a couple of weeks ago and I did take the day off at his request and we sat around and got shit faced drunk.

Actually I've been drinking too much lately. A few weeks ago I came home from work on a Friday night and Scooby was already passed out drunk on the couch. So I took off and went to a friend house and started drinking, then came home and continued drinking and got on the computer. Granted I was only drinking beer, that is until "J" out room mate came home with a bottle of whisky. We started doing shots and I ended up blacking out and passing out. Scooby found "J" and I at 7am Saturday morning curled up under a blanket in the middle of the kitchen floor.

The night of Scoobys birthday wasn't any diffferent. "J" found us passed out naked on the couch, me laying on my back and Scooby curled up like a cat laying on my chest. I've recently discovered that on occasion Scooby with ride my cock after I pass out or fall asleep. So I'm under the impression that "J" witnessed the aftermath of one of those sessions.

I sometimes threaten Scooby and "J" that I'm going to get help, but in all honesty drinking is the only fun thing in my life right now. It only happens a couple times a month on either Friday or Saturday so I don't feel its a problem yet.

Confused slut

This weekend I added two new guys to my yahoo IM. One, a local guy in his early twenties who lives near where I work. The very horny young man was looking to get serviced and considering the stuff going on with me right now, I'm finding the best distraction is to suck on a hard cock. We planned to hook up sometime this week.

The second guy is a reader of my blog from, if I remember right, New York.

Anyway....I got an IM from my blog reader guy and thought it was the local horny guy. I IM'd him back saying if he was up to it that I'd suck him off tonight..... Oops sorry.

I'm such a confused slut....

Rant and other shit

Well I was suppose to have an interview at the local State University this morning, but I cancelled it. The main reason for changing jobs was because they had domestic partner benefits. Well no more thanks to Michigan Court of Appeals. I'm too old to start over and loose all my vacation ect. so I guess I'm here to stay unless we move out of the bigoted state of Michigan. I swear to God, that the AFA and the people who support it are nothing but modern day Nazi's, the only difference is they have a more subtle way of exterminating people.


I was hoping to go to the support group for Survivors of Suicide, but the meetings in the area conflict with my job. If the night group was in Midland instead of Saginaw I could go since they're near work. The one in Midland is at 11am, and I refuse to drive to Midland twice in one day, or hang out till I go to work. So I guess the monthly therapist meeting will have to do.

My dads material things are being divided up. He left his riding lawn mower to my sister and her husband, his car to my other sister, the other lawn equipment goes to my brother and I get his craftmatic bed...... the bed he shot himself on. Nice. But my sister just found out that the house insurance will pay to have the mattress replaced. I darkly joked, "He knew that the bed was going to me, why couldn't he have shot himself on the other twin bed in his bedroom." I told my siblings that I wanted the gun also, and they agreed. I wouldn't if it wasn't a family heirloom. But it was my mom's 22 rifle when she was young. So now I just have to wait for the police to release it, I guess it takes a month for that to happen. "J" our room mate said his father offered to teach me to clean it and that I can go shoot it out on their property. I also found an indoor shooting range right down the street.

So thats whats going on with me. I'm doing better. We are all doing better. It had been several days since I got weepy, but I went to the Survivors of Suicide online site and the memorial page made me have a relapse. But crying is a good thing, it helps.

Some what back

I'm some what back. Thank you all so very much for your kind words, its meant alot in this difficult time. This last week and a half has been an emotional roller coaster. My moments of crying are starting to subside a bit. My siblings and I spent last Thursday and Friday cleaning out my dads house. Thurday night sitting in my living room with 1/4 of my parents belongings lying on the floor, thats when it started to hit me, he's gone, there both gone. We're all trying not to blame ourselves, because its not going to do us any good.

I didn't cry this much when my mom died 11 yrs ago, but she was sick and bed ridden for her last couple of months. We had time to get used to the fact that she was going. No one expected my dad to end his life. My brother- inlaw, the one who found my dad isn't doing well. We're all just kind of fucked up right now. I know this has made me stronger. I have contemplated the act myself from time to time......now......never. I've been on the other end of it and would never put anyone through this grief.

We're going to wait till summer to clean out the garage. Then once the house/land gets out of probate it will go up for sale. I spent every Tuesday with my dad, I'm going to be lost tomorrow. I've been distracting myself with cock, mostly Scooby's. Friday the hot redhead is going to pound a load down my throat. And I might be rendezvous'ing next week with a hot furry poz guy and having hot meaningless mansex in a cheap motel, so things are ok.

My Union sent a beautiful floral arrangement. I'm kind of dissapointed with my job. Yes my boss showed up to the memorial service and his boss sent me a card, but the people I clean for in my main building, the people I see everyday, didn't do anything, not even a card. One lady said she was sorry to hear the news the rest acted like nothing happened. My co-workers didn't do anything either. A card would have been enough. I've been here for 17 years, I feel like I deserve at least a card.

But then when my mom died and I was still working on campus the people in that building all signed a card for me. Then when I got back from berevement leave, one of the ladies asked if I had been on vacation......and she had signed the card.

Anyway, thank you all again for the kind thoughts and wishes. I will be ok, like that saying goes, "that what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger".


Update: I did end up recieving a card from my coworkers and one from one of the three dept. that I clean for.

break

I've been debating whether to post this or not, but I need to take a break for a week or two maybe a month.

My father was a very strong and adamant person. After living through his own mothers stroke and nursing home confinement he vowed that he never wanted to get to the point that he had to go to a nursing home and didn't want to be a burden on us kids.

Yesterday morning he woke with a bad headache and the shakes and all we can guess is that he thought he was having a stroke and he ended up shooting and killing himself in his home. He was 87. He was a very happy person who loved his family and this has been a total shock for all of us. It was a very long day which included me and my nephew and Scooby yesterday evening cleaning up the scene once the police cleared it and confirmed it was a suicide.

Needless to say I'm a mess right now.....but I will be back.

I don't understand why you did it, but I love you dad and will miss you so very much.

Hyped

I decided to go online and check out the local state University's website and I'll be god damned if they have two full time openings for custodians and one part time call in position. I immediately applied. One of my friends mother works as a custodian there and said I could use her as a reference. YES! I'm sure that the full time positions will go to others that are already in the part time call in pool, but hey maybe I can at least get my foot in the door. This State University also acknowledges same sex unions in there health insurance. double YES!!

I asked my boss today if I could get a copy of my last evaluation. He said I could....in a kind of sad tone. He knows the shit thats going on with the big wig Nazi boss, so I'm sure he knows the reason I want my evaluation. With 16 yrs experience of University cleaning and a great evaluation backing me up, I'd say I have a good chance of getting the fuck outta here.

I'm so fucking hyped.....

Work rant

Well I had planned to tell another vacation story about my sexual exploits but work is starting to fuck with us again and our Nazi ruler is on the rampage.

I was told before Christmas break that we could no longer borrow our cleaning equipment to take home and use. At first I thought, "Oh well, no biggy". That is until I just found out today that the new rule is just for our department. Any other University employee can borrow "OUR" equipment and take it home and clean their carpets/ floors and furniture, but not us. Now I'm thinking WTF.

The Nazi is also threatening to take away our paid Holiday between Christmas and New Years.

It all started with our fucked up Union and our Union steward. In the past we have had shift differentials, meaning first shift gets base pay and second shift gets like 35 cents more and third shift gets like 1.00 more an hour than base pay. If you work a different shift you get paid the differential for that shift. Our stupid ass Union decided they wanted to change that and that if you normally work say second or third shift you would get that pay when ever you worked and the people who work first shift would get base pay even if they worked second or third.

It sounds totally fucked up to me. Basically first shifters get fucked and thats not fair. But anyway like I said this was the Unions idea. I work off campus so was not informed of any of this till it took effect. Apparently coworkers were asked and most agreed to the changes. Dumb fuckers. When our Union people went in to sign it one guy decided against it. This infuriated the University and they whined that they have gone through too much to just forget about it. So it became effective with out our Union reps fully agreeing. Then the guy that disagreed had to work OT and got screwed out of money since he works first shift. He filed a greivance, yadda yadda yadda.

So the fight ensued and now 0ne by one the Nazi is taking away any benefits he can that is not in our contract. This job wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the Nazi fucking asshole. I wish I could afford to quit. I do plan on getting together a resume and start looking for another job asap. Some place that doesn't discriminate against gays and doesn't have a mentally abusive person in charge. Is there such a place?

Today

I'm slightly hung over today, which normally puts me in bottom mode. Today is no exception. Thanks to "Craigslist" we've been corresponding for the past week with a ex marine with a extremely high sex drive. Apparently he can fuck all day/night and cum multiple times. Tells us he will give us as many loads as we are willing to take. He's been sending hot self pics all week, some of them hot action scenes. He's from here but has been out of town and is getting back today........ Did I mention his arms are covered in tattoo's that connect across his chest.

Details to follow.

Funk

Thanks for the well wishes guys. I am feeling a bit better. Besides the cold, I've just been in a fucking rotten mood for the last week. My therapist irritated me last week. She, like alot of people have no fucking clue about the side effects of HIV meds and how they affect some people. We talked about Scooby and how he's not working and how it puts alot of pressure on me, being the only income, working full time (manual labor) plus 4 house cleaning jobs. She thinks that I should give him an ultimatum that he get a job or I won't take him to New Orleans anymore. She just don't get that the meds make him fucking sicker than a dog constantly throwing up in the mornings. The meds give him vertigo also and he can't ride in a car without getting close to barfing. I honestly don't know how he is going to handle the drive down to NOLA in a couple of weeks. I'm really considering stopping therapy, I don't see where its doing me any good.

Then I go to my dads and he starts showing me pics of my neices last visit. These are the ones that said they would NEVER except me as a homo and that I'm going to Hell. I looked at the pics uninterestedly thinking to myself I don't care to look at pics of these ignorant bitches. My sister was in one pic and I thought she is really looking old. I haven't seen or talked to her in almost a year. Surprisingly I did get a Christmas card from her the other day and decided to send one to her also, I always sign them "Love Mike and Scooby". Ha

Work has completely refused to add Scooby to my health insurance. Which gives me one more reason to hate my full time job. Fucking bigots....

I cut my hair and trimmed my beard the other day, hoping it would put me in a better mood. It kind of helped, feel a bit sexy again. In the beginning of the week I just wanted to stop my meds and let this disease take its course, but my sadomasochistic inner child refuses to let me. Ha

We've decided to leave Christmas day for New Orleans. Gonna stay with our friend the Crisco kid until that Friday when our timeshare week starts. Should be fun.

Sick

UGH! I've been battling a sinus infection for 3 weeks now and I believe its now turned into a full fledged cold. When I was at the Dr. last week I mentioned my sinus infection and all he had to say was, "Yeah you and everybody else". Nice.... So I'm a bucket of fucking snot and I feel like shit. Not sure if I'll be posting much this week.

Spineless creatures

It's the end of the year and time to renew our health coverage for 2007 at the learning institution that I work for. Enclosed in the email our director of healthcare noted that if we had any questions to email her.

So I did.....

Hi (name of healthcare director),
It has come to my attention that many of the BIG Universities in Michigan are now acknowledging same sex domestic partners and allowing them to be included in healthcare packages. I was wondering if we were doing this also, if so I'd like to add my partner of 9 yrs. to my health insurance.

Thank you, Mike (last name here)

First week.....no response
Second week......no reponse.... so I sent it again
This is the third week and I still haven't heard anything

I highly doubt that they do include same sex domestic partners considering this institution was founded on Christian morals and beliefs, but for God sake get a fucking backbone and just tell me no.

Update: Well I called and left a voice mail and got an email back Thursday confirming that NO the education establishment that I work for doesn't acknowledge domestic partners and they can not be included in our health insurance. At least I got it in writing or email, God forbid I have to file a wrongful death suit against them in the future.

I've been working like a dog at work. I spent last week scrubbing tile floors and now this week waxing them. Hope to update in the next day or two once things start slowing down a bit. Had a good Thanksgiving with the family. The weekend was chock full of sex starting with a 4- way on Saturday and a 3-way on Sunday. Details to follow.

Hope everyone had a great Holiday!

Happy Thanksgiving

Things I'm thankful for: Scooby, friends & family, our house, my job(s), and this four day weekend, cuz I've worked like a dog the last two days.

A secret: I love the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

DudeTube

OMG! I'm obsessed with the webcam clips at DudeTube. Free gay porn, it doesn't get much better then that. Granted there isn't many hairy guys but beggars can't be choosers.

Congrats Berlin, Germany you were my 25,000 visitor! Sorry that you only visited for less then a second.

I guess I need to start experimenting with fisting more to get Germanys attention.

Weekend recap

I meant to post sooner but got preoccupied. My vertigo is subsiding a bit, still don't feel completely up to par but I'm going to ignore it like everything else. I got to go to the Dr. in the next few weeks anyway, I'll mention it then.

Anyway Friday went pretty smoothly with working all day. Had just enough time in between jobs to grab a bite to eat in McD's drive thru and head to the car wash to wash off all the accumulating bird shit. Friday night turned out interesting, called a our friend Thurston that I haven't seen in a while. Asked him if he had time for friends or was he too busy with his next victim/ fuck buddy. (I tried calling him last week but he was busy with someone in his sling in the basement.) He was free so Scooby and I headed over.

We planned to just visit but one thing lead to another.... An hour later the jazz and blues was playing over the stereo and I was strapped in the sling with Scooby and Thurton fucking me from both ends. Scooby was taking control of my ass while Thurston fed me his 9in. cock. Then Scooby and I flipped and we put him in the sling and Thurston and I took turns filling his hungry holes. We ended up fucking around till 4:30 in the fucking morning. Since it was getting early we headed home and Scooby then fucked me till 5am and then we crashed. I'm still recouperating from Friday night.

Saturday and Sunday was spent cleaning the computer room/office. I can finally see the top of my desk. We didn't do too much else. Other than Sunday I had my usual trip to the other side of town to play with furry poz guy. After we got done, I then headed to the other furry bear down the street to play with him. Then it was off to the fruit market for the weekly salad/veggie stuff and then home. I finally found whole cranberries to make the cranberry relish for Thanksgiving which I did up later that day. I got this recipe from one of the famous chicken places in a near by town. It is fantastic, so I thought I'd share:

Cranberry Relish

1 lb. Northern Spy Apples
1 lb. Dark Red Cranberries
2 cups sugar
2 peel-on Whole Navel Oranges

Freeze Cranberries solid. Wash and core apples-leaving the skin intact. In a food processor, add half of frozen cranberries and half apples and turn to chop speed so that pieces are a quarter inch square. Chop the entire pound of apples and cranberries and place in large mixing bowl and mix with sugar. Then chop the peel-on whole oranges to the same consistency and mix with apples/cranberries/sugar. Let stand one hour before serving/freezing for later use.

I like it better if its been frozen. Enjoy

Vertigo???

Yesterday Scooby and I was driving downtown to go out for lunch and I was stopped at a stoplight. I sat there watching the cars whizzing past in front of me and things started to get blurry and I started to get nauseous. I haven't felt well since, my heads been floating in a semi altered state. I don't feel all that bad, but I don't feel all that well either.
I've also been really tired and sleeping a lot this week. Tomorrow I start my new cleaning job which means I'll be working from noon till almost 3pm then I work my FT job from 3pm till 11pm. God just get me through tomorrow.

Jesus H Christ just let me fuckin VOTE

Ok I got up early this morning and headed to Wenona School wear the voting booth is....normally. The place was deserted. Wenona school is no longer there and neither are the voting booths. FUCK
So I head to my therapist appt. in Saginaw at 9am. Do that. Head to Midland to my Dads, clean his house and have lunch. I call Scooby and he recieved a new voter registration card with the new address on it. So I head back to Bay City and YES I found the new voting place at Pines Towers senior complex and voted.

So far Jennifer Granholm our current Democratic Governor is ahead. YEA! She's running against Dick DeVos the heir to AMWAY empire. I'm sorry but I don't think people who own chemical companies should be allowed to run for office. The are so not environmentally friendly. Another thing we need to have restrictions on one sign per canidate per property. There are people here that have like 50-100 fucking DeVos signs on their property. Its a fucking sickening eyesore. If this happens next election, I think I might report them for blight. "evil laugh"