July/August

Sorry that I haven't blogged in forever, but when I'm not working at work or on the houses I've been drinking beer to excess with some great new friends and playing volleyball every weekend. Scooby built a Tiki bar on the side of our back deck and like they say if you build it they will come..... and drink..... and sleep in tents in our backyard. Weekends are one big party at our place anymore and we haven't been happier. In fact we go through so many 30 packs every weekend we are seriously considering buying a keg asap.

June

I have always hated those Croc clog shoes, to the point when trick came over one day with them on and well lets just say it was his last visit...lol I've heard over and over how comfy they are from other online peeps and after checking out ebay for those sport wheelchairs cuz I had had enough of my pain, hobble walk, I decided to check out these horrid shoes as well. I ended up finding some that actually looked like a boat shoe, with tie strings and such in black so I "buy it now"ed them. After 2 days my heal pain is 50% gone, the ball of my foot still hurts, a little less, but my heals where the worst.

Its amazing how much more I can/feel like getting done when my feet aren't killing me. While on ebay I also found heal spur cups, I bought them as well and am patiently waiting their arrival. They disperse the pressure of the heal to the side when stepping, protecting the middle spur area from impact. I have no idea why my foot Dr. didn't recommend them from the start, other than they are $15 dollars and the ortho insoles they made for me were like $700. which I can't wear cuz they are solid and my heals don't do hard solid surfaces anymore.

In other news my 2001 Aztek is dying, I think. I've had a antifreeze smell for awhile, some minor and not so minor repairs made it subside, but then it came back. It is now coming close to over heating. Well it goes in Monday, but it looks like it is probably the valve cover gaskets which is like a 1,500 repair, and with that there is a chance of antifreeze getting into the engine and if that happens the motor will blow up within a month or 2. So I'm going to start looking for another car, which of course would mean a car payment, which I can't afford. Yay me... I'm not letting it get me down.

The tenant that I evicted moved out early so I lost out on June rent. I have someone else replacing him in July or August and also have another tenant that is having $ problems and might move out at well. I'm refusing to get stressed out about our finances or lack of. Scooby had hired a lawyer to fight his disability denial. The lawyer seems to think it will be an easy case, I hope he's right. If Scooby got his disability and I had all 3 rooms rented we would be golden. But I'm not one to count my chickens before they are hatched....

One good think is the local hospital has a company that is helping people who can't pay their medical bills get on medicade/Gov assistance. Even if you got denied, they will cut through the red tape and help for free. Considering Scooby has had 3 er visits in the last few years he is in medical debt for about 15,000 this is a big help....

Thats about it for now, getting ready for our big fireworks party on July 3rd. Yay!!

Life has calmed down. The tenant is back on the wagon, but I stand by my eviction notice and he should be out by the end of June. Scooby is bouncing back, already trying to do more that he should with a broken collar bone.

What I haven't mentioned is my medical problems. First I'm still having problems with my feet, the heels are def. bone spur problems. The one I broke back in January isn't all that bad but having to depend on my other foot, irritated the spur in my other heel. As for the fronts of my feet, since my podiatrist didn't find anything I'm really thinking I'm developing Fibromaglia. My muscles just ache. I can't cross my legs because it hurts too much at the point where they rest together. And just overall arm and leg pain is becoming a pain. Started a pain journal so I can report it to my Dr..

I started playing volleyball on the weekends a couple of weeks ago. Funny thing is, my feet don't hurt all that much when I'm barefoot in the sand. I just have to be careful about over exerting myself, cuz I have to be well enough for work during the week.

Anyway thats about it. Dismanteling the neighbors shed tomorrow to use the metal for the roof of our Tiki bar that Scooby has built off of the one side of the deck. Thinkin about having a few people over for the Holiday weekend coming up.

I'm a slave to my life..

I know, I know its been forever. But since I'm forbidden to talk about my relationship on facebook, well I'm back...for now at least.

Lets start with the other house that I rent rooms. 3 bedrooms, 3 tenants. Its funny how the person I thought I knew the best turned out to be the worst. My 1st and 3rd tentant are great. The 2nd one to move in, a friend, not so much. He knew that we were just renting rooms so that we could come and go and do work in the common areas. He's complained about possible noise and dust if we do work on the house, to the point we quit working altogether. He's prone to make big messes in the kitchen then blame them on the other tentants. Note: he's bipolar and a recovering alcoholic. Well..... he fell off the wagon. A week ago I was woke up at 4am with him yelling and banging on our windows, cuz he locked himself out of his place. The next morning we discovered that he smashed the railing on the front porch. There was also the problem with him being drunk and naked in the common areas and also giving a bj in the living room with the blinds open for all to see. Needless to say I had to evict him and he will be out within a month....hopefully. I need the money, but not that bad...

Then I get a call at work last Friday from one of the good tenants that the local bar called and asked him to pick Scooby up cuz he was passed out......at 7:30pm. Here I don't get out of work till 11pm. Then a bit later I get a call from another friend saying they just saw someone that looked like Scooby bicycle past the house....all bloody. I call my tenant and he confirms as he was pulling into the bar he see's Scooby leaving in the car with the bike in the trunk. I call Scooby and ask what hes doing, "going home" he says. Then I ask, "On your bike or are you drunk driving?" He swears he's riding his bike. I end up going home early at 9 to find him all battered, apparently he had a bike accident while crossing the bridge. He thinks he's ok so I take off to have a few beers and tell him if he decides to go to the hospital to call me and I'll take him. About an hour later I ended up dropping him off at the ER, he has a broken collar bone, black eye with 4 stitches and rebroke his front tooth.

Personally I had had enough drama with the tenant to last a lifetime, so I was pretty pissed off at this stunt. Friday night I seriously considered breaking up with him, but once I cooled off my anger turned to pity, so here we are, me caring for him.

I really don't know what to do, I love him, but not sure enough to deal with these occasional drunken dramas. The bad/good part is we get along great when he's not drinking. Today I was really tired and was laying outside on a bench resting my eyes before work and he came out and I thought he had started to tickle me, startled I screamed and opened my eyes to see my indoor cat run off. For some stupid ass reason he brought my cat outside and went to set him on me... We both went after the cat and he did catch him but that stressed me out beyond anything.

My cat Kiddo means the world to me and vice versa. If I leave for work with out him knowing, he will walk around the house and meow looking for me. He always sits on my lap when I'm on the computer and sleeps right next to me most of the time. We live on a really busy intersection if Kiddo would have got out of the back yard he probably would have been hit and killed. This really shook me up, because that cat is what keeps me keeping on...

So anyway thats what is going on with me. My life feels like a car with no driver, that its taken on a life of its own and I can't figure out how to get control back.

Well only 3 post this month, how sad.... I wish I could blog the way I used to but locals have found me and I think I said this before, it messes with my head. I don't need people judging me, I do enough of that myself. Plus I think this blog possibly broke up a relationship, but if you don't have an open relationship and mess around on your bf, well they have the right to know. So I'm kinda indifferent on that one.

I'm still seeing the young man now and then. Although I'm seeing things a little clearer now, definitely don't think we could make a relationship work but the sex is fun. Its funny how emotions can take over especially when you find someone who is 20 yrs younger then you with a big fuckin dick who fancys topping you. Its like a drug I tell you...

Starting to work alot outside now that the weather is warming up. Getting ready to install some fences to hide the neighbors trashy back yard and keep the teens from stomping through my garden.

Our couples counceling is still going well, and Scooby and I are getting along great.

I guess thats all for now. If I'm not back on this weekend, HAPPY ZOMBIE JESUS DAY!!!

This and that

Well still not much is new. Scooby and I have been going to couples counseling and its a good thing. The snow is completely gone now and thank god its starting to warm up and we are able to spend time outside. Late January and February normally aren't good months for me. I was just reading Bigg's second to last post and he sounded alot like myself. I have suffered from depression on and off all my life. I told Scooby last month that some days I'm ok and some I just want to jump off a bridge. Its just getting through those bridge days can be tough. But like I said the weather is warming up I'm busy puttering around outside and my mind is clearer and focused on the tasks at hand.

I keep thinking, if we lived in New Orleans I don't think I would have bridge days. I recently read that the state of Louisiana has the happiest residents of any state in the union and I believe it, at least in NOLA that is.

Our counselor told Scooby that she prefered that he smoked pot over drinking. hehehe I told her that was no problem since he's a wake and baker.

Our gold fish survived the winter in the pond in the back yard.

We cleaned up a ton of broken glass in the street of the other house, we think its either the crazy lady across the street or the teenage boys, we all know how they like to break glass....

Been raking leaves for days and need to start another compost bin/pile. I refuse to bag and throw away anymore.

We've got all 3 rooms rented at the other house and we are finally not living hand to mouth and financially struggling for the first time. What a wierd feeling to actually have some spending money.

We are not only having our 4th of July party but planning a Halloweeen party this year as well.

I'm finding old school friends from when I went to school in Tucson on Facebook. I didn't realize but when we left and moved to MI for my Jr and Sr. year of High School that it left a big hole in my life which I'm finally starting to fill/repair.

St. Patricks Day parade is this Sunday in town and we are hanging with friends and partying. I asked for Monday off just in case I party too much, which I normally do. lol

Wow for not having much to say, I said quite abit. Thanks Bigg for kicking me in the ass and getting me to post something!

Sorry that I haven't posted anything, I've become addicted to Facecrack. lol But anyway I went back to work on Feb. 10 after 3 weeks off from injuring my foot. My partner was not much help, granted he'd make a meal but then not clean up afterward. I had pork chop bones laying on the counter for days until I managed to get up and clean. Considering I was suppose to stay off my foot, the 3 weeks was frusterating to say the least. So after all that we have started couples counciling, this is our second week. Since I had to favor my foot now I'm having problems with my left heel as well, I'm sure I have bone/heel spurs on both heels. Its so much fun trying to walk but not put pressure on either heel because they are tender and painful.

I'm suffering from cabin fever so don't have much to say other than I'm so fuckin ready for spring...

Sitting here bored as hell still, hoping that I can get back to work next week. It will depend on the xrays they take Tuesday, I hope my foot has healed.

I've been hobbling around here doing laundry and trying to keep the house clean. Scooby has made me a few meals but then I'm left to clean up the mess or else it would still be sitting there. Yesterday I had to hobble out and clean the snow off the sidewalk because he had a tooth pulled and wasn't up to it.

Needless to say I'm disgustipated....

update

Well Jan. 12 I slipped on the steps at work and ended up breaking a bone spur off of my heel. So I'm laid up and out of work until Feb 10. God I hope they let me go back to work. Sitting around and doing practically nothing fucking sucks. Still waiting to hear if workmans comp is going to cover it or not. Apparently since I've been to a foot Dr. it was considered preexisting condition, it wasn't so it created alot of red tape. so now I wait. I've also discovered that with out me picking up/cleaning ect. that we could easier fall into the "Hoarders" catagory within a month or twos time.

Also haven't been sleeping well. 6 hours was good for me before 2am-8am, but now I've been waking up at 6 or 7am and can't get back to sleep. I guess I fear that Scooby might kick my foot in his sleep or one of the cats might jump on it and the last thing I want is to fuck it up any more than it already is.

So thats it in a nutshell, I'm laid up and bored as hell...

Love

by Elizabeth Barrett Browning
We cannot live, except thus mutually We alternate, aware or unaware, The reflex act of life: and when we bear Our virtue onward most impulsively, Most full of invocation, and to be Most instantly compellant, certes, there We live most life, whoever breathes most air And counts his dying years by sun and sea. But when a soul, by choice and conscience, doth Throw out her full force on another soul, The conscience and the concentration both make mere life, Love. For Life in perfect whole And aim consummated, is Love in sooth, As nature's magnet-heat rounds pole with pole. (I especially like the last line, hehe)

The Definition of Love

by Andrew Marvell
My Love is of a birth as rare As 'tis for object strange and high: It was begotten by Despair Upon Impossibility. Magnanimous Despair alone Could show me so divine a thing, Where feeble Hope could ne'er have flown But vainly flapped its Tinsel wing. And yet I quickly might arrive Where my extended soul is fixt, But Fate does iron wedges drive, And always crowds itself betwixt. For Fate with jealous eye does see Two perfect Loves; nor lets them close: Their union would her ruin be, And her tyrannic power depose. And therefore her decrees of steel Us as the distant Poles have placed, (Though Love's whole World on us doth wheel) Not by themselves to be embraced. Unless the giddy Heaven fall, And Earth some new convulsion tear; And, us to join, the World should all Be cramped into a planisphere. As lines so Loves oblique may well Themselves in every angle greet: But ours so truly parallel, Though infinite can never meet. Therefore the Love which us doth bind, But Fate so enviously debars, Is the conjunction of the Mind, And opposition of the Stars.

The biggest laugh of 2009

A few months ago I got out of work on a Friday night and headed to my friend Thurston's house. Scooby was already there along with a few others including our friend "D''. D has become kind of a mess lately with his drinking and this night was no different. As soon as I got there D wanted me to try on his fathers accordian. Back story, D never got along with his father and was never allowed to even touch his dads accordian, so he was overwhelmed with emotion when he inherited it.

I was tired and didn't want to put the accordian on or try to play it, but D in his wasted state kept insisting, so I put it on. Then he told me to pull on it, I tried lightly and it didn't budge. "Are you sure its not locked?" I asked. D slurrily replied, "no its not locked, pull harder". I tried and it still didn't budge. "Are you sure?" I asked again. "Yes pull harder" he slurred, "your not pulling hard enough". So I did and the dam thing popped into two pieces, so here I stand with 1/2 of the accordian in one hand and the other 1/2 in the other. We both stood there, our mouths hanging open, shocked at what just happened.

Scooby being mr. fixit took the accordian from me and sat down at the kitchen table to try and put it back together. At the table was a pizza box with a couple of pieces left on top, "D" scooped up the box and started folding it into 4th's, I mentioned to him that there was still pizza on the box and he slurred to me that nobodies going to want it now. Just then Thurston swooped into the room and snatched the pizza box from D and passed it over Scoobies head and threw it away.

Then I noticed that in the process Thurston had dropped some pizza sauce on the accordian as Scooby was finishing putting it back together. So we wiped up the pizza sauce off of it and Scooby stood up and started to play it. He got a couple of in and out strokes out of the accordian before it popped open again and some thing hit the floor. We all looked down and here sat a piece of pizza on the floor. Apparently when Thurston passed the pizza box over Scooby a piece fell out and right into the accordian with out anyone noticing. So here we all sit, mouths agape at the pizza now laying on the floor as we come to the realization of what just happened.


Everytime we think of this night we laugh our fuckin asses off....

Beware of Knights Inn, the worst hotel chain...

FYI if your ever traveling through Terra Haute, IN and need to stop for the night absolutely under no circumstances stay at the Knights Inn. Once a year we stop through here on our way back home from New Orleans but I usually get us a room at the Econolodge. This year I thought we could save some money and stop at the Knights Inn, I figured since they also have continental breakfast.

We got there and I got us a room for about $10 bucks cheaper then Econolodge. The room looked ok at first, the carpet needed vacuumed but we've stayed at a few dumps in our time and aren't that picky. It was extremely cold that night so we immediately turned on the heat and noticed that the low heat button was broken. We took off down the street to find some food and when we got back the room still wasn't warm. That is when we noticed that the light above the sink didn't work and the volume button was missing on the tv plus it didn't have a remote.

When stopping for the night during a road trip we usually sleep in separate beds so we can spread out. This time we decided to sleep together since it was so cold, so I went to take the blanket off the other bed and there wasn't one. It ended up with us huddled together fully clothed under one blanket and two bedspreads and we were still freezing. After a half hour enough was enough, we tried to call the office but the phone didn't work. So we packed up our shit and heading to the office for a refund only to find out they don't do refunds.

The night clerk are very apologetic and when we mentioned writing a letter to corporate, he encouraged us to do so. He ended up putting us in the room above the office. Again no remote for the tv and only one blanket plus I found tiny glass shards on the bedspread. The night clerk did find another remote and brought us another blanket. The room got a somewhat warmer then the last, probably because of the heated office below us. It still didn't get warm enough to turn it off of high, but we at least stayed warm under the covers.

The next morning the continental breakfast consisted of dry cereal with no milk, toast, coffee and a cheap box of chocolate covered donuts with only two left. Needless to say corporate will be hearing from us and we will never again stay at another Knights Inn.....

Ugh, I seriously considered ending this blog at the start of this year. I haven't been blogging much if you have noticed. Its hard blogging when you live in small suburbia. Fags are like little clucky hens gossiping about everything and everybody and blogging about personal aspects of my life just gives them fuel for the fire. I don't mind my friends reading, but gossipy accquaintences.... well, fucks with my head.

But anyway, after deleting the last couple of posts, I guess I'm going to hang out for a little while longer.

Scooby and I's trip to New Orleans over the Holiday was great, somewhat low key for NOLA but great just the same. We didn't drink as excessively as we have in the past, actually we've spent most of last year cutting back on our drinking. It was great to go on vacation and not have to worry and sometimes babysit a drunk bf. In fact I think I actually fell in love with him this Holiday season. I've always loved him, but this trip it got a bit stronger. Instead of being pissed off at him getting sloppy drunk, I enjoyed his slightly buzzed company.

Last night, we had a nice dinner and movie evening with the crush. A friend voiced his concern about it breaking Scooby and I up considering I'm kinda gaga over the crush, but I assured him that's not the case, especially since our NOLA trip. After all Scooby is the brains behind this operation, plus he's my soul mate, and with his health the way it is, well we are in it for the long haul. We're all just having fun, casual intimate relations. If it grows into more then great, but we are happy with how it is. I've always had issues with depression and low self esteem so having a guy in his early twenties interested in us has been a big boost. Something that I desperately needed.

Words to live by....

If you pass judgment on others,

it doesn't define them,

it defines yourself....