Yum, a little too clipped but yum just the same.

Becoming Positive 1995-96

I wasn't always a slut ya know. Before I became positive at the age of 29 I had had about a handful of relationships lasting anywhere from a couple of months to 3 yrs. Things started going to shit when my mom got sick back in early 1995. I had just come back from a Souxie and the Banshee concert down in Detroit. It was a two hour drive back home from the concert and I got home to find a message on my answering machine. The message was from my sister, she basically said that mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor and that they did immediate surgery and that we were all flying down to Jacksonville, FL to the Mayo Clinic the next morning, and to be at her house early. I immediately sat down and cried and then composed myself and started making calls to work and to find someone to take care of my dog ect.

The doctor didn't have good news. Moms tumor was one that would grow back and the chance of survival wasn't good. They wanted to keep her there and start chemo or whatever immediately, but mom said, "Just take me home to die", its all us kids could do to keep from crying. We made arrangements to have her take chemo back home and then my sisters flew with my parents back and my brother and I drove their car back home to Michigan.

During the summer of 95 is when I became infected. I know this cuz I would get tested every year, except this year I didn't go get tested. I only had unprotected sex twice, once with my boyfriend and once with this bisexual biker guy whom I had played with once or twice before. Me and my boyfriend at the time were kinda on again off again basically it only lasted about 6 months. He never wanted me to wear a condom when I fucked him so I thought if he trusts me then I could trust him. He only fucked my once and then I told him not to cum in me. Whether he did or not, I don't know. To this day he still says he's negative.

The bisexual biker guy was hot and I loved when he gave me rides on the back of his big ass motorcycle. I also let him fuck me with out a condom. I figured that since we both lived in the middle of no where and he basically just fucked women that he was a safe bet. I don't know what happen to him, I haven't seen him since I told him that I tested poz.

Mom's health started getting worse and the doctors decided to operate again on Thanksgiving day. The tumor had grown back entirely. They took it out again, but this time there was no alternative, we were going to loose her. I remember one of the nurses asking us, "What nursing home are you going to put her in?", and we told her that we weren't going to put her in a nursing home that we were going to take her home and take care of her ourselves and that is what we did, with the help of visiting nurses.

Mom died on the morning of her birthday in mid January 1996. Right before she died my father said, "Well at least you made it to your birthday and then he ran crying from the bedroom". It was the only time I've ever seen my father cry. My sister went and brought him back and we sat and watched my mom take her last breath and then she was gone. Visiting nurses came and confirmed that she was gone. Then the funeral home was called and they came to pick her up. Their stretcher wouldn't fit in the bedroom so my brother and I had to help the two morticians carry her out into the living room and place on the stretcher.

During the funeral planning it was decided that since I was never going to get married that I should be buried with mom and dad when I died and that we would just get one tombstone with all three of our names on it. I agreed and thats what was done.

Cut to July 1996: Since I missed my hiv test in 95 I decided to go in and get tested. I was honestly shocked when the nurse at the health dept. told me that it came back positive. I left, called in sick and went down to the river and cried.

The same week our tombstone was delivered to the cemetery.

My tulips the other day. 

My tulips today... 

Woody

I bought this metal sign last weekend at Menard's, it cracked my ass up.

I love it! 

Turkey vs Mouse

For the last month or two the newspaper has been reporting about the wild turkeys that are creating a nuisance in the busy business area of Eastman Ave.. I kinda laughed to myself reading the stories about how they've been sitting on parked cars and pecking at the windows and doors of area businesses. My favorite story was how one chased a pregnate lady into the bank. Granted I've seen the turkeys around campus which is overflowing with wildlife considering its carved out of the woods, its really no big deal.

Today I got to work and noticed that there was a wild turkey behind the barber shop next door. I had gotten to work early so I sat in my car and decided to watch the bird before I had to go punch in. He was just roaming around pecking at the ground mostly. Then he started looking up at the truck he was standing next too, and before I knew it he jumped up onto the truck and perched himself on the truck bed. It was getting time to go inside so I decided to move my car around to the other side of the building so the turkey wouldn't jump on my car and scratch in all up. Went inside and punched in and then decided to go out the back loading dock door and watch him for awhile longer. He was still sitting on the truck, busily cleaning his feathers. I watched him on and off for about 20 min..

Later I had to go out to take some trash out to the dumpster and the turkey was now back on the ground so I decided to watch him a little more. It only took a few minutes this time for him to notice me. We made eye contact and then he stretched his neck so he was really tall and then he started to run at me. I immediately panicked and ran inside the building, all the while silently screaming like a little girl inside my head. I instantly thought of Mark freaking out when the chicken ran across the road at him last week.

Geez who knew they could run so fast...I wish I would have had my camera.

Snot bomb

I've got a headcold/sinus infection this week and not much is new otherwise. My head feels like an over flowing bucket of snot. Decided today to trim my mustache and beard down to a #2 with the clippers. Did it just to make it easier to wipe my fuckin nose, but was planning on doing it anyway. Just turned out to be sooner than later. UGH...

First signs of spring 

All work and no play makes for an intense orgasm

Spent this weekend thinning out the wild grape vines that encase the backyard. My hands are a tortured mess but I finally broke down and started using gloves now if I could just get the last sliver outta my index finger I'd be doing good. Bought some more treated 2x4's and clothesline wire and attached them to our six foot fence in the back yard for the vines to grow on. This will make an 8 ft. tall wall of vines separating us from the neighbors. Glad I decided to do it this year cuz the guy next door's live in girlfriend has two little kids and they just bought them a play/swingset and of course like the neighbor behind us their planning on putting it as close to our property as possible. At least with the vine wall there won't be any kids sitting ontop of their playset looking over the fence saying, "Hello", "What ya doing?", "What kinda cigarette is that?", "Why do you have that man's penis in your mouth?" and so on ect..ect.

Also raked up another 3-4 bags of leaves and other lawn crap. Considering I'm planning on having the driveway paved this year I needed to move a couple of rail road ties that I have. I shouldn't have tried to do it myself cuz I'm feeling it really bad today. My entire leg and arm muscles are like Celtic knots..continuous and endless. Scooby tried to massage them a little today and all I could do was go Ouch..OUch...OUCH....OUCH!....I'm so fucking sore.

Other than that I got the chainsaw running and cut up all the tree limbs that were piled up in the back yard. Also got the attic/storage area done enough to pack most of the crap back into it. And started sorting for a yard sale this spring sometime.

All in all it was a very productive weekend.

Scooby gave me an intense blowjob this morning. Man I was so fucking horny I knew it wouldn't take me long to blow. Scooby ended up having to back off of my cock a bit cuz when I started blowing my load it was shooting right up his nose. I about drowned him, but then I normally do when he blows me. Hehe my Scooby always does me right...

Blast from the past

Like most Fridays when the weather is good I get to work and then head downtown to the art gallery to clean their windows. I notice the new cutie college student worker is working. He's all smiling at me and says hello, and of course I'm eating this up. Is he flirting with me or is he just being sales clerk friendly. Since I have my crummy uniform on, I thinks he might be flirting, considering that I'm just an employee also and he doesn't have to be all nice if he doesn't want to. To think that a guy who is probably almost half my age is actually giving me any kind of attention is making me all happy and friendly right back at him. I bet he's gay, could be an interesting summer. I normally only clean windows every other Friday, but I think I might start doing them every Friday just to see more of cutie college guy. Stay tuned on this one...

Anyway I get my shit together and go outside and start cleaning windows. About 10 minutes into cleaning this woman walks by and since we make eye contact I say hello and she says hello back. She walks a couple of feet past me and then stops turns around and looks right at me. Then it hits me OMG its Penny, this girl that I used to hang with about 20 yrs ago and haven't seen in about 10 yrs. We're both like OMG shocked to run into each other. She was a friend of my first boyfriend and we like use to party together ALOT when I was a true teenage alcoholic. When I first met Penny she was a teenage mom of a little baby girl. She catches me up on a few of our friends that she has also just ran into after several years. Her baby girl is now 20 yrs old, god do I feel OLD OLD OLD. She then tells me she thinks her daughter is fucked up on crack or something and was down in Flint probably doing drugs. Note: 80% of Flint, MI is dirty, nasty and scary. She then tells me she's planning an intervention next week to try and get her shit straightened out. God I'm glad I never had kids, cuz I just know they would have been serious bad seeds.

Fiddler and the truth

Sunday night we planned on going out to the Heidelberg. I called Joe to see if he wanted to go out and told him we'd be leaving in an hour. He replied, 11:00? I said no 10 totally forgetting that we had a time change. Spent the whole day on the wrong time...Oops... So we got our times straight and made plans to meet down at the Berg for karoke. Passed the civic center in downtown Saginaw and noticed it was packed so I asked Scooby, "What's going on?", he noticed that a couple of 18 wheelers had Disney on them. Note: when events are in town the gay ones normally make it out to the Berg since it's only a couple of blocks away. So oddly we both started fantasizing about doing Goofy. Scooby wanted to fuck him and I wanted to blow him.

We got to the Berg and found that karoke had been switched to Wednesday. The bar was kinda dead when we got there but with in an hour about six more men showed up. 3 of them were all bearded and hunky looking. They looked like they were from outta town, so we figured that they were from Disney on ice. Come to find out they were actually from "Fiddler on the Roof" that was playing in the conjoining theater next to Disney on Ice. Two of the guys were scoping Scooby and I out and Scooby eventually went over to chat and play a couple of games of pool with them. Being the painfully shy guy that I am I stayed at the bar and continued chatting with Joe.

Later Scooby introduced me to the Fiddler guys. Joel was my fav..We chatted for a bit then came the always horrible question:

Them: "What do you do?"
Me: "Um, I work for a local University",
Them: "Oh your a professor!"
Me: "Well no, actually I'm a cleaning person"

Then they said something along the lines of "Well there's nothing wrong with that." Ok I heard that one way to many times and all I can say in my head is "Ouch!" I've been cleaning for almost 20 yrs. ya don't have to try and make me feel good about my lousy job, I can tell in your voice that your not impressed. An answer of, "That's cool" would have been sufficient. What I didn't understand was Joel asking me, "Do you have to work tomorrow?" Me:"Yes", Him: "What time?" Me: "4pm", Him: "Cool". Ok with that question I'm thinking cool he wants to play. But a few minutes later he says that he's got a phone call and steps away and when he comes back he's gotta leave. So we say our goodbyes and they take off back to where ever they were staying. I now wonder if I coulda got luckly if I'd of said, "Yes I am a professor." But I'm not prone to lying so I guess I'll never know.

This weekend and especially today the weather was fucking beautiful. I raked about 4 bags of leaves and started trimming some of my trees. Now my knuckles are all torn apart and bleeding...ahh warm weather. Didn't have any oil/gas for my chainsaw or else I'd of cut up the limbs that I hand sawed out of the trees. Thank god the weather is warming up. Winter took its toll on me this year, but now that its getting nice so is my mood. Which is not only good for me but everyone around me also.

Michigan Preparing To Let Doctors Refuse To Treat Gays

This is too scary...
Thank you Michigan Catholic Conference

"The bill allows health care workers to refuse service to anyone on moral, ethical or religious grounds"

Gee, If I was a health care worker, could I refuse to treat Catholics...HA

Thank God my doctor is a homo...

Finally spring is here

After about six months I was finally able to go outside without a coat on today. FUCK YEAH! I do have to say it did help lighten my mood alot. It's amazing what the sun will do, to bad it's only around for 1/2 the year.

Weekend recap

We had a good drive up north to visit "T". Other than all the trees and ground was still dormant, dead and grey looking. We spent Friday and Saturday morning pounding the hell outta T's ass. We fucked him every which way, fucking him from both ends, double stuffing him, and just taking turns watching each other fuck him. Needless to say six fucks and five huge loads later T's ass was filled and done.

Things didn't work out for Mac and I's last fuck date on Wednesday. He ended up having stuff come up and then so did I this weekend so I didn't even get to see him before he left. If your reading this, sorry I didn't make it in to Saginaw to say goodbye, good luck in Cali. Hopefully well get out there one of these days and see ya.

We got back home Saturday and headed over to our friend Thurston's with cocktails in hand. Thurston is a pack rat and had just acquired a 70's console stereo. So we helped rearrange things in an upstairs backroom so he could listen to his vinyl while he's on his computer. He's got so many records that we ended up getting drunk and listening to everything from Paul Robeson singing "Old Man River" on a 78 to Xavier Cugat also on 78. This is the reason I didn't make it into Saginaw Saturday night, I confess I was too drunk to drive. We ended the evening finding the first album of Sesame Street and drunkly singing the theme song and "Somebody come and Play", and "I love Trash", which Scooby and I dedicated to Thurston and his love of old broken things...aka TRASH.

Sunday morning Scooby and I went and took my dad out for Easter brunch then after a few hours of visiting we left and spent the rest of the afternoon at Thurston's drinking again. We spent the first few hours trying to pry his back wheel well back out after a slight mishap earlier in the week with a semi truck. Then it was back up stairs to drink more and listen to more records.

Shitsa happening

All kindsa things are happening around here. First of all Bambi is dead and I'm not talking about the cute little deer from Disney. Bambi is/was the obese owner of "Bambi's Bottoms Up" the local gay bar which was your basic little fire trap of a dance club. Actually he wasn't the actual owner of anything, because of few bankruptcies he had everything in other people's names. I feel really indifferent about his death considering his cocaine use/habit has fucked up alot of our young local gay men. He had turned a once fun local dance club into a sad mess that we eventually boycotted. Needless to say I didn't go to the funeral but we did joke about going, just to give him a VCR (Visible Coke Ring) around his nostrils. Already considering lifting our boycott and going back to the bar, hopefully this change will be for the good. fingers crossed...

This Wednesday Mac and I are having our last fuckdate. He leaves this weekend to start anew in California. Man I'm going to miss our afternoons of him fucking the hell outta my ass. He's a super fun top and I highly doubt if I find a man as HOT as him to be a replacement. Dam Dam Dam

Got plans for a Good Friday fuckfest. T our cute furry friend from last fall is single again so we're going up to his place Friday and fuck him silly. Looking forward to double stuffing his hot juicy butt among other things. We promised to leave him sloshing by the time we leave, which will be no problem.

Our driveway is about 50% submerged with all the melted snow. We bought a little pump last week and I'm hoping Scooby used it to drain some of the water or else we are going to have a serious mudd swamp problem. Looking forward to a short week this week having Good Friday off and all.

Cookie Mueller

I just finished Cookie Mueller's book "Walking through Clear Water in a Pool Painted Black". What a hoot! Cookie was a regular in John Waters early films and lived a very colorful and exciting life. The book is short stories of Cookies life, from being invited to join Charles Manson's gang to accidentally burning down her friends house. I had several LOL moments reading this book. Cookie died of AIDS related illness in 1989. Thanks for the laughs Cookie, we miss you.

1976

My father retired from GM when I was in 3rd grade. My mother, being fed up with the cold Michigan winters had already decided that we were not going to spend another winter in Michigan if she had any say about it. And considering she wore the pants in the family, mom's decisions were final. Mom's sister, my aunt Belle and her husband were already spending winters out in Tucson, AZ so that was our winter destination. The idea of moving was scaring the bejesus out of me and it didn't help that my great Aunt Flossie's new husband Bob told me to watch out cuz the Indians out there would scalp me.

Up to this point we had lived out in the country on our 40 acre farm in between the two very small villages of Lees Corners and Smith's Crossing. Every Sunday Mom and I went to the little Methodist church in Smith's Crossing which was right down the street from my elementary school. Most of the kids I knew came from farming families and everyone knew everyone or close to it. It was your basic three degrees of separation.

It was all planned that we would leave after Christmas and drive out there in our old green Pontiac and get me in my new school just when all the kids were coming back from Christmas break. My parents decided instead of having to find a place to live when we got out there, that we'd just bring our folddown camper and live in that for the season. Oh yeah I forgot to mention that mom's other sister, my aunt Jackie was going to go with us, so that made 3 adults, 1 kid and a poodle all living in a camper.

Anyway Christmas came and after we opened up our gifts we tore down our artificial tree and packed all the Christmas stuff away and prepared for our trip. The day after Christmas we were on our way out west and so began our new Christmas tradition of being snowbirds. The trip basically broke me of my normal carsickness. Aunt Jackie and I sat in the back seat and played tic tac toe most of the trip which helped keep my mind off of being carsick.

We stopped in Colorado to visit my Aunt Bea. She was the widow of my Uncle Du, who was one of mom and Aunt Jackie's brothers. Uncle Do and Aunt Jackies husband Uncle Clem both died of cancer around the time I was born. Aunt Bea's youngest daughter Carol was my age. Carol was very clumsy and always getting hurt one way or the other. (years later we found out that Carol wasn't clumsy at all, that in fact she was getting beaten up by Aunt Bea). That afternoon the adults visited and caught up over cocktails. Mean while Carol and I hung out in the back yard and she told me the story of how she fell down an embankment, explaining the reason for the bruises on her arms and legs. During that visit Aunt Bea told a story of how she was seeking guidance from her minister since she was windowed with 4 kids to raise. She said that he told her, "Bea, you just have to pray" and she told him right back, "You pray...I did...and God don't give a dam!" Man, did that make my everyone laugh.

We got to Tucson and found a travel trailer park called Ramada Camp Inn right off the highway at the end of Prince road and that's where we decided to call home. I got enrolled at Walter Douglas elementary. The school was bizarre, unlike my school back home which was one building, each grade at Walter Douglas had their own round building with wavy clam shell type roofs. I was taken to my class and introduced to my teacher Mrs. R.. She showed me to an empty desk and explained that all the kids were at recess and to just take a seat because they would be coming back shortly. And sure enough the kids started filing in soon after each one eyeing me as they walked in. A girl wearing a butterfly sleeve top with layered shoulder length hair who was bordering on being popeyed sat next to me. She turned to me and proudly announced in one breath, "Hi I'm Georgianne my mom's a stripper".

Don't like the weather...wait 5 minutes

So help me God, if we get anymore fucking severe snow storms I'm gonna scream and claw my face! My mom always said, "If ya don't like the weather in Michigan...wait 5 minutes". It was so fucking true tonight.

I go into the Art Gallery to clean and when I go in everything is all fine and dandy. I get my cleaning supplies out of the basement and go back upstairs and I can barely see out the windows its snowing so bad...I mean whiteout kinda snow storm. I start freaking out and hurry to get my cleaning done so I can leave work early and start on my 20 mile trek home. By the time I get done cleaning and get over to my other building to punch out, the storm has stopped. It was fucking insane...we got like 1-2 inches in a matter of 15 minutes then it was over. I decided to stick it out till the end of my shift, this way the roads might be clear and there won't be so many people out there driving all stupid.

We were planning on going out tonight, but if the roads are still bad maybe we'll just stay home get drunk and go sledding. Might as well make the best of this shit and help preserve my sanity in the process.

"Queer Eye for the Dirt Poor Queer Guy"

Had a boring weekend. Painted trim in various areas around the house that needed painting. Then today I used my snow shovel to shovel the water out of the swamp/mud pit which was once our driveway and into the street. Had several rubber neckers looky looing me while I was doing it, gawd I love to be on display, NOT. Ended up having water run 1/2 way down the block. I probably should just break down and have the dam thing paved this year.

Also watched the "Queer Eye for the Straight Girl" marathon this weekend. Danny is hottie. But honestly watching all those fabulous homo's with their clear complextions was a bit depressing. Reminded me that I really need to get the spider veins on my face zapped before my 20 yr. class reunion this year, that's if I go. A derm abrasion treatment would be best, but I bet its more than I can afford. I wonder if my electric sander would work....just kidding...

They need to have "Queer Eye for the Dirt Poor Queer Guy". Fuck I could use a new wardrobe, spa treatment and an ego boost. We should help out and promote our own instead of the straight people. But then they wouldn't get the straight viewers and that's what its all about...viewers, ratings and money, money, money.

In like a Lion out like a Lamb

My mom would always say this about March. That if it came in like a lion (bad snowstorm)that it would go out like a lamb (mild weather) and vice versa that if it came in like a lamb it would go out like a lion. This is definately an "In like a Lion" year. The storm started Monday afternoon and is still going. It's been a creeper storm, just a continual light snow that adds up before you know it. I made it home from work last night from my 20 mile drive home wondering if anyone had notified the snowplow guys that it was snowing out.

Got out this morning and snowblowed and it looked like the plows still haven't gone through. The drifts in our driveway and sidewalk are at least 3 feet tall. Once I got the snow cleared from around the cars, driveway and sidewalk I decided that I should call my dad and cancel our weekly Tuesday lunch. He still lives out in the country on the remaining acre of our 40 acre farm and there is no way that I could make it out there in this weather.

Weekend update

IM'ed Mac Sunday morning to say hi and see if he wanted to hook up Wednesday for a playdate. He said he'd really like some today. Then on a fluke I threw out the idea, " I guess you could come over and you and Scooby can take turns on my ass". That left him speechless, but by the end of our IM he said if we weren't busy that he'd come over that afternoon and that left me a little speechless. Needless to say had a wonderful Sunday afternoon having them take turns on my ass and mouth. Man I was in doggy heaven pleasing these two hot guys and having their cocks sliding in and out of me. What a workout! I hope we can get together for another round before Mac leaves for Cali, but if that was the last hurrah, it definately was a memorable afternoon.